Oh? Oh. Oh!

It's normal.

That's the way it should be.

That's the way it was done.

That's the way I learned normal.

But just because you learned it as normal,

does not mean, it is right.

 Oh? Oh. Oh!

My god, you are right!

I am so sorry,

but sorry does not undo the memories

of the pain that I have inflicted on you.

I hate the one who taught me this way,

yet I do the same,

so how do I feel about me?

How do I break this cycle?

I have to do it myself

for only I can change me.

 However, it will be easier with you at my side.


Nevertheless, you want a break to reflect on what you want.

I understand and accept.

I hope you come back, but that is not my decision to make.

Therefore, love will be set free, and if our love still exists,

it will come back.

If not, I will move on after wishing you the best.

That is normal.





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Together

As we start our journey together, 

We must focus on what is important. 

What really matters is communication. 

For that is the mortar that binds us in love. 

Love is strengthened by compromising. 

Love is strengthened by actively listening.  

Love is strengthened by caring. 

Love is strengthened by mutual respect. 

Love is strengthened by asking for help. 

Love is strengthened by leaning on each other. 

Love is strengthened by positive feelings. 

So together in life, our love will guide us. 

Guide us on our journey together. 

That is Love

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The past for me is like a prison

Where the key has long since been thrown away.

But I want to be outside these walls

Where love, touch, and fresh air exist.

What are they like

For dim memories of them exist.

Exist still?

Who knows.

All I desire is to be free

Where long forgotten memories can rediscovered.

And have new memories formed



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Comfortable Silence

Thank you.  Nice to be here with you too.

Really? I am glad you had such a nice day.

Comfortable Silence.

What are you thinking about?

Tell me please.

I do not know. 

Thank you letting me decide.

Comfortable Silence.

I agree to that.

Nice to be with you too.

I am happy to be with you too.

Comfortable Silence.

You want to what? 

Thank you for letting me decide.

Comfortable Silence.

I agree to that.

I love you too.

Comfortable Silence.

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Not Really

Just want to withdraw.

Just want to be alone.

Not because I want to withdraw.

Not because I want to be alone.

It is comforting for me.

Isolation is too much my friend.

A false friend it is.

Not really there for me.

Not like people I care about.

People who ask how I am.

People who mean it.

People who will give me a hug when asked.

People who care about me.

They are there.

I just need to let them in.




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Together

Fear slowly envelops me.

I used to ignore it;

pretend it does not exist.

But you are here,

reminding me, I am ok.

My fear is mine to admit or ignore.

I look at you and feel your touch.

My breathing slows.

I focus on your words;

I feel your touch.

Your love and caring brighten my life.

And the fear ebbs.

We walk together in sunshine, smiling.

Twinkles of love in our eyes.




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Why Change?

I want to be perfect.

Never make a mistake.

But that is not reality

So instead my anxiety flairs up.

I dictate instead of communicate.

You get upset.

Our communication breaks down.

I beat myself up.

We talk.

Things are fine again.

How long will you put up with this?

Why cannot I change?

To accept myself for who I am.

Release my feelings instead of keeping them bottled up inside.

Change is not easy.

But it can be done.

Yes, it can.

I want to change.

I will change.

I will do it for me.

I will do it for us

For I want us to be happy together.

For I love you.






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Why? Why? Why?

Why do you treat me so well?

Why are you so gentle with me?

Why have you been so loving to me?


Why do you care about me so much?

Why are you so happy with me?

Why have you been so good to me?


Why do you love me so sweetly?

Why are you so nice to me?

Why have you been so happy with me?


I love you so much.

I am so happy with you.

I have asked you to marry me.






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So why ask me?

What do I want?

I do not know.

I just want to please you.

To give you want you want.

That is all: no more; no less.

So why ask me what I want?

I love you too.

Not used to others pleasing me.

Only give; not take.

That is what I was taught.

So why ask me what I want?

I care about you too.

Yes, I will finish what you want me too:

"I want to ....

I do not know.

What if I say something wrong?

What if you get mad at me?

What if you put me down?

Will you hit me?

Will you force me to do something?

Should I just smile a faux smile?

So why ask me what I want?

You mean the world to me too.

Cannot believe you care about me.

Care about my feelings.

Care about what I want.

This is what I want.

I want to ....

Welcome.

Let's go now.





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Please Don't Go

Please don't go, I almost cry.

Tears wanting running down my face.

Please stay.

Do not want to admit that you will be gone forever soon.

I love you!

Please, please, please, just....

Sobs overcome my words.

Knew this day was coming.

A day I would be left alone.

I do not want to be without you.

You are my life.

I love you more than I can tell you.

You have done so much for me.

And..and. and...

I cannot talk as I hear a last breathe.

I break down and start collapsing crying

alone now, all alone, I feel.

Then two strong arms grab me and help me to my bedroom.

They lay me down on my bed as I continue to cry.

And as I cry myself to sleep, his voice soothing me.

Words of love are whispered into my ear.

'You are not alone, I will always be with you no matter what'

'Your mom will live on in your heart.'

'When we have a daughter, we will name her after your mom'

I let his words echo in my head even after waking up later.





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Reflecting on What I Want

I love you too.

Love cuddling with you too.

Glad you loved this special day for you.

Welcome. Anythings else you would like?

Really? But that was just a joke, wasn't it?

hahahahahahaha.

Then quiet descends between us as we cuddle.

My mind reflects on the joke and wonders, so I ask.

Do you really really want to?

I feel the same: want to, but scared of ending up without you.

I will not leave you either.

You mean the world to me too.

What do I want?

What do i feel is best for me, for us?

Why do you say for me?

You do not want to, unless I want to?

Tension comes off me, and all goes quiet again.

I reflect on what I really want.

No pressure except from me.

Deep breaths to relax and let the answer come to me

Eventually it does, and I tell him.

I am kissed on my cheek.

Words vibrate in my ear that make me smile.

Appreciate your honesty too.

Then we continue to cuddle as an answer is awaited

Eventually an answer appears as my neck is friskily kissed






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