Scared

 Scared: 

I am so scared.

Scared of change.

Scared of the unknown. 

I want to control.

I wish to change life to how I want it.

But life does not work like that.

We have to bend.

We have to change directions.

Lose things we want at times.

 Lose things we have at times.

Life is about change.

Adapting to change.

Moving on and not giving up.

It is so hard at times.

But life is ok.

As long as the moving on continues.

 

Yes/No; Stop/Go

I want you,

but knowing I should not.

 I want to stop,

but saying go on.

I feel so confused,

paralyzing myself.




I want to say no,

yet saying yes.

 I follow your lead,

suppressing my feelings.

I let u use my body,

making you happy.

I ignore my body's desires,

making me unhappy inside.

I smile faux smiles of happiness,

while you smile real ones.

I have done my duty,

allowing you to fill me up.

I grant you sleep,

while wondering who am I.

I let that thought drift in my head,

fighting the emptiness inside of me.

I fill the emptiness with  walls,

sealing it off from my conciousness.

I want to see what is in me,

perceiving what really is there.

I fear what is inside,

blocking it out of my mind.

I go around and around,

wondering if an answer will ever come.

I feel you stir,

filling me up again.

I reflect on me as you do that,

filling myself up with unaswered questions.

I desire answers,

yet failing to reach out.

I get dressed and leave,

walking into the unknown.









This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I Want

What do I want?

I do not know.

I always defer to the other.

Really, I just go along.

Yes, whether I want to or not.

My happiness does not matter.

Only yours does.

 How do I know what I want?

What does it matter?

My feelings do not matter.

What if you say no?

I just want you to tell me what to do.

Ok, ok.  I will tell you.

You will not be angry, will you?ant

Good. I want, I want...

I want to lie next to you.

To feel you heart beating.

To have you hold me.

Nothing else.

Thank you
















This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Let Go

Why could you not help me?

Instead you put me down;

you belittled me.

And I stuffed it all inside.

I stuffed my anger,

and blamed myself instead of you.

I felt I was back in school being bullied.

Blackness surrounds me,

and only now am I realizing it.

By realizing my anger, I see options.

Options lessen the darkness,

and make me feel in control.

Maybe it is too late,

and some options will be closed to me;

however, other options exist now,

or will open up.

I just need to see the light,

let go of the anger,

and remember I am ok.





This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Change

Change is coming.

I can see it looming on the horizon.

It scares me; I feel fear, coldness, and unsure.

I want to crawl into hole and feel safe, warm, and secure.

But holes only give the illusion of safety, warmth, and security.

I can only fit myself in there; not my friends.

My friends, who are they, and where are they?

I am in my hole alone, fearful, and insecure.

Change is coming; its hoofbeats are getting louder and louder.

I carefully stick my head out and decide on my next move.

.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.