The Neighbor

 The neighbor was so nice at first

Showing me love that I never had

But I was so naive

I was just a fly landing on their web

I so needed real love

but not the abuse that followed

Not the fake love

Nor the promises 

Fake promises that you loved me

that you cared about me

that I was yours

and you were mine

I was never truly yours

Just a toy to use

 for your pleasure

Not for mine

I walked away one day

Hardly saw you after that

But emotional is different

I still carry you with me

 

I dance around a word

It describes what you did

Betrayed

You betrayed me

I did not betray myself

YOU BETRAYED ME

I did nothing wrong

You did something wrong

 

I need to move on 

To drop my anger at myself

for I did nothing wrong

I was the abused

 

 You were the abuser

You were the adult

I was a kid

who just wanted love

All I wanted was love and be loved

To feel that their was someone there for me

 Someone who genuinely cared about me

Nothing more, nothing less

I have questions for you

that can never be answered

But really I  need to move on

to accept my love for myself

How do I do that though

 Instead of focusing on hurt

Change to what I can do

Focus on loving myself

 

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Only Talking, Never Walking

 

 Letting go of the past

I need to do it

I talk about it

Never do it

Talk the talk

Never walk the walk

Pretend all is ok

The world around me crumbles

Losing what I love

Not doing anything

except talking

never walking

Why do I hold on

to that which hurts me

just talking

never walking

What can I do to move on

I never really ask myself that

Not in a serious manner

To really reflect on how to move on

I focus on self-hate

Not on self-love

Hate keeps me talking

Love would keep me walking

I need to decide now

Do keep hating

Or start walking

 My choice to follow

I want to walk

To act on

Not think about

Walk in self-love

 

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Middle Ground

Feel so lost

Want to control everything 

Want to control nothing

 Where is the middle ground?

You will do want I want
I will do what you want

Where is the middle ground? 

Go forward

Go back

Where is the middle ground?

I have to find it

I can find it

Where is the middle ground?

When to control

When to not control

Where is the middle ground?

I have to search

Not depend on someone else

Where is the middle ground?





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Thank You

Thank you for teaching me how to live

Thank you for opening my eyes to a different world

Thank you for getting me to start smelling the roses

Thank you for showing me a different path

Thank you for caring about me

Thank you for being there for me

Thank you for standing up to me

Thank you for loving me





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Breeze and Ocean

You are an ocean breeze: fresh and clean

You are an ocean wave:gently rolling

You are the breeze and the waves
 
You spread joy and happiness with each sea breeze and wave

You have always been there for me

Refreshing the senses and clearing obstacles in the way

Senses that feel the breeze more intensely now

Senses that feel the path without stumbling

Happiness you bring with each gentle breeze and each rolling wave

















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Moving On With Life

Anxiety has run my life

Never realized it

Until now

Learning to let it go

Not so easy

But doing it

It feels good

Enjoying the lack of tension

Hard to stay relaxed

But learning how to do it

Happy to be living without it









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Letting Go

Isolated.

A word that describes my years growing up;

Part of a family, but apart from them.
 
Wanting to be a part of the family;

however, never felt a part of them.

Now isolation is not what I want;

nevertheless, I do not let go of it.

I want to, but how?

I want to fight the past,

instead of letting go.

Let go of the pain, of the past.

Learn to live for now.

Breathe in the present

and exhale the past.

Then just put one foot in front

of the other towards the future












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