Tonight is the night that I will finally do it.
Finally sleep with my bf.
I feel nervous, happy, anxious.
A long time I have put him off, but no longer.
He comes over, and I make dinner for us.
Wash the dishes and sharp knives and put the in the rack.
My pretty pink rack that I will not change for him.
After dinner, he leads me to the couch where we make out
as the tv drones on in the background.
Finally it is time and he leads me to my bedroom.
He's been so patient with me;
waiting for me to say yes.
I love his patience; I never thought he would stay with me.
He takes his time and makes me feel good.
Eventually we come together and it feels good.
I am glad I waited for him..
I tell him he made me feel good.
He smiles and tells me has something to tell me.
I smile when he tells me that.
I dream of a ring on my finger.
He tells me that he's moving to Anchorage.
I say nothing. Wondering....wondering....
Will he ask me to go with him?
Instead he tells me that he do not want to be a father now.
I tell him I do not want to be a mother now.
I feel happy that he does not want to pressure me about having kids.
Then he tells me he did not use a condom.
I freeze. I feel fear, then scared, then anger
all the while wondering will this get me pregnant?
So, a plan forms in my mind.
I smile sweetly asking him if he is hungry.
He replies that he is, so I get up to make him another meal
and walk with him to the kitchen.
We go to the sink where he asks me what am I making.
Sweetly smiling, I tell him what I will make for him:
MC Pig's Rocky Mountain Oysters,
while reaching for the knife that I will use to get the oysters.
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