Walls Down

 I am told I should love you

but I do not.

I do not hate you

but I do not hate you.

You were their physically

but never emotionally.

I suffered the abuse in silence

just stuffing it in.

Setting up walls to protect me

Walls that block out love.

Not learning how to love

Learning fear and self-loathing

They are my friends

Warning me about the world.

telling me to stay safe

so I stay in my box

I am safe 

Not happy though.

Walls are comforting

but lonely.

 

Learning to move on

 It is hard.

I can do it

Either alone or with you. 

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The Neighbor

 The neighbor was so nice at first

Showing me love that I never had

But I was so naive

I was just a fly landing on their web

I so needed real love

but not the abuse that followed

Not the fake love

Nor the promises 

Fake promises that you loved me

that you cared about me

that I was yours

and you were mine

I was never truly yours

Just a toy to use

 for your pleasure

Not for mine

I walked away one day

Hardly saw you after that

But emotional is different

I still carry you with me

 

I dance around a word

It describes what you did

Betrayed

You betrayed me

I did not betray myself

YOU BETRAYED ME

I did nothing wrong

You did something wrong

 

I need to move on 

To drop my anger at myself

for I did nothing wrong

I was the abused

 

 You were the abuser

You were the adult

I was a kid

who just wanted love

All I wanted was love and be loved

To feel that their was someone there for me

 Someone who genuinely cared about me

Nothing more, nothing less

I have questions for you

that can never be answered

But really I  need to move on

to accept my love for myself

How do I do that though

 Instead of focusing on hurt

Change to what I can do

Focus on loving myself

 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Only Talking, Never Walking

 

 Letting go of the past

I need to do it

I talk about it

Never do it

Talk the talk

Never walk the walk

Pretend all is ok

The world around me crumbles

Losing what I love

Not doing anything

except talking

never walking

Why do I hold on

to that which hurts me

just talking

never walking

What can I do to move on

I never really ask myself that

Not in a serious manner

To really reflect on how to move on

I focus on self-hate

Not on self-love

Hate keeps me talking

Love would keep me walking

I need to decide now

Do keep hating

Or start walking

 My choice to follow

I want to walk

To act on

Not think about

Walk in self-love

 

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.