Walls Down

 I am told I should love you

but I do not.

I do not hate you

but I do not hate you.

You were their physically

but never emotionally.

I suffered the abuse in silence

just stuffing it in.

Setting up walls to protect me

Walls that block out love.

Not learning how to love

Learning fear and self-loathing

They are my friends

Warning me about the world.

telling me to stay safe

so I stay in my box

I am safe 

Not happy though.

Walls are comforting

but lonely.

 

Learning to move on

 It is hard.

I can do it

Either alone or with you. 

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Questions

How could this could have happened/

What is there to do?

What is the question?

What is the path?

Is this the way to go?

Is that way to go?

Or go some other way?

What is the answer?

Is there only one answer?

Which path is wrong?

Is any path really incorrect?

Which one: incorrect or wrong is right?

Or are both right?

What if there are multiple questions?

What if there are multiple answers?

Does it matter?

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Two Paths

I want to do both at the same time.
Yet I end up doing hardly any of each.
Why?

Why?
I do not admit: too much to do both
But I try.
Why?

Why?
One path would be defeat,
and too stubborn, I am.
Why?

Why?
Retreat is failure.
That is not acceptable.
Why?

Why?
Life's path is flexible.
Change is built into it.
Why?

Why?
I want one path to follow;
one that is unchanging.
Why?

Why?
One path to follow
is a folly of life.
Why?

Why?
It has been already answered.
Am I ready accept it?

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Dreaming and Achieving

Dreaming of my goal.

Going for it.

Dreams dashed - temporarily.

It is not the end of the world,

even it felt like it at the time.

Life goes on,

so will I.

Stopping, evaluating, planning.

Plan, change, act.

Keep believing in myself.

Dwell on what  is possible.

Focus on the goal.

Then one day, my dreams

will become reality -

Achieving my goal.





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My Dreams

I have followed my dreams:

The ones that were most important to me.

That is something I am proud of.

I look back  at my life and smile.

Yet, people ask if I have any regrets.

Honestly, I do wish some things had turned out differently;

however,

I have lived life to its fullest,

and that is something that I do not regret.




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Towards the Light

Out, out of the tunnel
and in the light.

It feels strange
not being in the dark.

The darkness was my security;
its hopelessness was my friend.

But as friends go,
it was fickle.

It wanted what it wanted,
and gave nothing back really.

Like an energy-vampire, it drained me,
and then complained there was nothing left.

However, no matter how dark it was
I believed there was light ahead.

So onward my legs went.
Sometimes slow; sometimes fast.

They went forward in the direction
of the light to the end of the darkness.

My fickle friend was scared,
and its fear scared me.

Yet neither its fear
nor my fear stopped me.

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Life and Doors

You can't long for the past, for what could have been.

Those doors are closed. Never to be open again.

Nor yearn for a future whose doors will never open.

Nor live only in the present whose doors are open.


To live in the present without reflecting upon the past

means that one will repeat one's mistakes.

If one does not learn from the path through the doors,

then happiness will never be behind the next door.


To live in the present without contemplating upon the future

means that one will be go through doors aimlessly.

If one is aimless, then one has no path to follow,

then happiness will never be behind the next door.


If one lives in the present, but reflects upon one's past

and learns from them, and one contemplates one's future,

and sets goals to work toward so the future is not blank,

then behind the doors some day, happiness will be there.

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Phobia

I want to move forward,

so plans I make.

The first step of my plan awaits.

My phobia comes around,

filling me with fear and dread.

I stop, I go nowhere.

Friends listen to me,

and support me.

Step one is accomplished.

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Making Plans

Been drifting for so long,

Wondering where I am going

and what I am doing.

At last some clarity comes,

which gives me hope.

I focus on what I want to do

Wondering if it is right.

But what I will do is this:

I will follow my heart.

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