Scared

 Scared: 

I am so scared.

Scared of change.

Scared of the unknown. 

I want to control.

I wish to change life to how I want it.

But life does not work like that.

We have to bend.

We have to change directions.

Lose things we want at times.

 Lose things we have at times.

Life is about change.

Adapting to change.

Moving on and not giving up.

It is so hard at times.

But life is ok.

As long as the moving on continues.

 

Forward

 Go for it!

No, do not.

Yes do it?

No, I am scared.

It's ok to feel scared.

Hold back.

No, I will not!

Do not move forward.

I will move forward.

Please do not.

No, my choice it to move forward!

Feel the fear.

The fear will empower me to move forward.

Please.

I am scared, but advancing.

Help me, please?

I will; here is my hand.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Middle Ground

Feel so lost

Want to control everything 

Want to control nothing

 Where is the middle ground?

You will do want I want
I will do what you want

Where is the middle ground? 

Go forward

Go back

Where is the middle ground?

I have to find it

I can find it

Where is the middle ground?

When to control

When to not control

Where is the middle ground?

I have to search

Not depend on someone else

Where is the middle ground?





This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

 

Whatever

I am allergic to fish

But I do love you

I do not want to have a reaction

sigh

Whatever you want, dear.


Why do you never do things with me?

But I do love you

I want to go out with you

Sigh

Whatever you want, dear.


Why do we always have to eat meat?

But  I do love you

Let's just have a salad and some veggies

Sigh

Whatever you want dear.


 I just want to cuddle

But I do love you

just hold each other

Sigh

Whatever you want, dear.


I want us to use birth control now

But I do love you

I want kids later, not now

Sigh

Whatever you want, dear.



I feel sad

But, I do love you

You want a smile?

Sigh

Whatever you want, dear.










This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Questions

How could this could have happened/

What is there to do?

What is the question?

What is the path?

Is this the way to go?

Is that way to go?

Or go some other way?

What is the answer?

Is there only one answer?

Which path is wrong?

Is any path really incorrect?

Which one: incorrect or wrong is right?

Or are both right?

What if there are multiple questions?

What if there are multiple answers?

Does it matter?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

My Past

I look back too much.

Too often the past becomes my reality.

A reality that I want to either ignore or fight.

In either case, it follows me.

How to let it go?

My past is comfort and letting it go is hard.

Comfort even though it is unhealthy for me.

But like a cold-hearted "friend", it is needles me.

It treats me as a pariah, and revels in my loneliness.

But no more!

I will learn how to move on.

How to put my past in the past.

Then find the present and enjoy it.






This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Fear and Doubt

Fear creates doubt

Doubt creates fear.

A cycle that goes around and around

Like a hamster wheel that never ends.

Run, run, run

So tiring, but gonna keep running.

Gotta keep the fear and doubt away.

They never disappear.

Sometimes they catch up.

Overwhelmed then confused

Finally totally black.

Continue running.

Slowly clearing, but still running.

Fear and doubt still in pursuit.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I love you if

I love you, if you do what I say

I love you, if you do what I want

I love you, if you obey me

I love you, if you follow my orders

I love you, if you eat this

I love you, if you drink that

I love you, if you follow me

I love you, if you ....






This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Trust?

Trust, I want to trust you so much.

To be held in your strong arms,

and made to feel safe and secure.

Yet, I feel wary of trusting you,

of trusting anyone, of trusting myself.

How can I trust myself, trust anyone, trust you?

Maybe I will make a mistake again.

Will you be a mistake?

Maybe you will hurt me?

Maybe, my love, you will hurt me?

Should I take down my walls?

Be vulnerable for you to love?

or to exploit?

I want one, but am afraid of the other.

Which one do I want, and which one am I afraid of?

you ask me.

I do not know is the reply.






This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Daylight Coming

Breaking apart;

Finally, the darkness of fear is breaking apart.

Shattered is my heart;

like Humpty Dumpty it cannot be put together the same.

But it can be put together differently.

How will it though?

The process is difficult.

My heart wants to mend.

Scared of the unknown it has.

The unknown has more blackness.

Nevertheless daylight is at the end of this journey.

My heart will enjoy it and feel lighter.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

What's Left of Me?

Everything is what I gave you,

but what do I have left?

Nothing, except an empty void.

All my security is gone.

and nothing is left.

An empty shell of me exists.

Why do I find it so hard to draw a line?

To say no in a polite way, and stick to it.

To tell you, let's look at the budget;

see what we can afford.

When in bed, I let you please yourself

and not me: I just feel scared.

What would happen if I said no,

and kept saying no?

Don't know as I was not raised that way.

Maybe I should stick up for me.

To say NO and mean NO.

but can I do it?

With what is left of me?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Who Should Stew?

You make me out to be the bad guy,

and you are totally innocent.

I need to learn to laugh when you do that.

Show you that you have not gotten to me.

That would be much better than me letting me stew.

Stewing is a habit that I need to break.

Change is not so easy.

But it is better to let you stew instead of me. 

I want to be free of you.

To not carry you at all.

Just let you stew and for me,

for me to walk away happy.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

take care of you.

'Let me take care of you.'

I am not used to that -
to someone taking care of me.

'You deserve someone to take care of you.'

I do? It feel so strange.

'I like to do take care of you.'

Why? How can I know you will stay with me?

'Because I love you.'

Really? Hard for me to believe.

'Let me hug you.'

Thank you, love.



This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

To Be or not to Be a Prisoner

To be or not to be a prisoner

that is the question that I ask of me.

I love him, but his jealousy

It makes me wonder do I love thee?

What awaits in the future?

How isolated should the prison be?

Should it be just me awaiting him?

Or should I include others for me to see?

Should the door be shut tight?

And I cannot flee.

Or should it be shut light?

And I can go out full of glee.

Love is strange.

It is a we.

So why am I a prisoner,

and he is free.




This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Twice

Hardly know you, but I feel shook up.

Twice you have tried and luckily failed.

You have held the cup -

the cup of life and dropped it to shatter,

but it was not to be, so you were bailed.

Now my senses scatter,

as I breathe a sigh of relief,

instead of drowing in grief.

Will you try again?

Will I see you again?

I would like to

and I hope you would too.

I wish you the best.

I hope you do well.

In this life you find some rest,

and walk out of your cell.

To a path that is bright

with your own light.




This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

You Told Me

You're dying you told me.

The doctors have given you only a few months,

and you are alone.

I wish you were here, so I could help you these final few months.

I would make sure you are housed, fed, and loved.

Maybe we would marry like we have talked about.

You only had an im, and you have been on it lately.

I miss you, I love you.

I want to cry but I cannot.

Are you safe or homeless?

Are you fed or hungry?

Are you loved or unloved?

I hope those questions are yes for you, but I no not.

I want to help you to die with dignity.

To die with someone who loves you and you love back.

Even if I never hear from you again, you will always be in my heart.

All I want is for you to die with dignity,

and if I would be apart of that my wish will come true.






This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Words and Escape

Oh oh. Here it goes again.

I stare between the eyes.

Hateful words come out.

I stay stoic.

I hear words like stupid, dumb, idiot pass my ears.

Yeah, yeah goes through my mind.

Threats chill me.

I remain steadfast.

Anger increases.

I plan my escape.

Then all is quiet.

I exhale slowly.

Footsteps fade.

I leave permanently.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Waiting on an Island for You

Waiting on an island

for you and only you,

but you fail to cross the bridge

that connects you to me.

Is it fear of being hurt again

for you have been hurt so much?

I await for you,

with unconditional love

that you will not fear.

For on the island,

to help the unconditional love grow,

I spread the seed of equality for both of us.

Since we are equals, I wait to share my love

with you and await your love to share with me.

But alone, I wait and wait and wait.

And I start to wonder how long should I wait?

How long till the island is deserted?

I want you with me, but I cannot cross that bridge for you.

I want you. I want you. I want you.

But I will not wait forever.




This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Step up to Love?

Do you really love me?

You say you do, but I have been so hurt.

I want to believe you, but I cannot fully believe you.


Should I love you back?

You say yes, but my fears live within me.

I want to love you back, but pain still exists.


What do I feel?

You feel my joy and happiness, as well as my fear and pain.

I want you, but I wonder.


What should I do?

You want me to cross the bridge, but I freeze.

I thaw and then take a step.





This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Hope Dashed?

Made a mistake.

Waiting to see if the other shoe will drop.

Wondering if my heart will ache.

Lost it over the final flop.

Hopes dashed?

Did my best?

But is all crashed?

or will my fears be laid to rest?





This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.