Showing posts with label Loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Loss. Show all posts

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Please Don't Go

Please don't go, I almost cry.

Tears wanting running down my face.

Please stay.

Do not want to admit that you will be gone forever soon.

I love you!

Please, please, please, just....

Sobs overcome my words.

Knew this day was coming.

A day I would be left alone.

I do not want to be without you.

You are my life.

I love you more than I can tell you.

You have done so much for me.

And..and. and...

I cannot talk as I hear a last breathe.

I break down and start collapsing crying

alone now, all alone, I feel.

Then two strong arms grab me and help me to my bedroom.

They lay me down on my bed as I continue to cry.

And as I cry myself to sleep, his voice soothing me.

Words of love are whispered into my ear.

'You are not alone, I will always be with you no matter what'

'Your mom will live on in your heart.'

'When we have a daughter, we will name her after your mom'

I let his words echo in my head even after waking up later.



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Sunday, December 4, 2016

Unconsciously

Without conscious knowing, I feel the hole within me.

Pain is in it, but I block it out;

Lonely, so lonely, radiates out of the hole.

Ignoring that feeling instead of exploring it,

letting you touch me to cover that hole;

Feeling your hands under my clothes before they are removed.

Unconsciously, the hole is papered over;

Pain does not seep out; it feels good.

Touching each other skin-to-skin.

Wanting you but do not know why;

Just know I do because feeling happier.

Random thoughts of was one taken this morning or yesterday?

Neither of us has one? That's ok

Do not know and do not care.

Smiling at you; at what we are doing.

The pain pushes to get out.

Pushed back by my happiness,

We get as close as possible,

and I happily accept your gift.

Afterwards, lying next to you, happiness fills me;

but the paper starts to tear and the pain slowly slinks out.

Happiness is slowly disappearing till next time


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Sunday, May 8, 2016

Two Angles

Your two little angels smile as they sit on your shoulders.

They love you and are happy for you.

In your heart, they tell you they love you;

They hear you tell them you love them too

and would do anything to give you a hug for real

instead of being angles on your shoulder

and living in your heart.

 But living in your heart is the only option

left to them and happily they stay there;

Always looking after you and knowing

how much you miss their hugs and kisses.

And they miss yours.

They do not blame you for what happened

for they know you did your best and honestly.

They want you to know they are always with you

and love you now and forever more.




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Friday, August 7, 2015

Invisible Walls

Within my invisible walls I feel safe.

They are strong, but I feel lonely.

Bad girl, bad girl, bad girl echos through my head.

Looks into the closet for what to wear.

Feeling like something real sexy for bf.

A movie of his is waiting for me to watch him to walk out of the movie

and whisk me away from my life in his arms.

He is safe, unlike my last ex who left me in handcuffs.

Looking in the closet, for something other than the over sized clothes I normally wear,

a front zipped striped bandeau tube top is looking forlorn 

It barely fits over my nipples, but my bf will like the view. 

Next I find a micro mini skirt that I have not worn since losing weight.

It hangs loosely on me, but my bf will like that too.

They are both sky blue hemmed with  peacock blue thread. 

His latest movie starts and my bf is sitting next to me,

waiting till the end of the movie to take me away. 

Suddenly about ten minutes into the movie, a knock and a friendly, familiar hello.

I stand behind the door and peek around it to see my next door neighbor.

Since his girlfriend left him 3 plus years ago, he stays home except when he visits me.

(and yes, i will sometimes visit him, but we are just friends.) 

"Can I come in he asks?" he asks.

Unsure, I look back at my bf who has left  me alone - all alone. 

No, not alone, no, so I tell him to come in. 

He tries unsuccessfully to look me in the eyes.

We sit on the couch, and rehash the same things over that we have told each other before.

His eyes bounce between looking into my eyes and 30 cm down.  

It feels nice to have someone look at me.

Subconsciously, passion starts stirring; fear starts receding. 

Chatting starts to get awkward as nothing new to tell. 

And he is getting ready to say goodbye I fear, so I move closer to him, and he reciprocates.

Passion keeps increasing; fear keeps decreasing.

He runs his hands up and down my arms.

Taking his hands, I place them on my breasts.

He gently squeezes them as my eyes close.

Feels so good to have them touched by another's hands.

I do not resist or say no as he unzips my tube top and drops it on the floor.

Opening my eyes, I see how much he is like me. 

Our lips meet, and I let him push me back as we kiss.

As we kiss our hands explore, and his shirt goes down to the floor.

Passion increases as fear decreases.

Kissing, touching, nibbling, and licking all over increases desire.

Eventually all of our clothes are on the floor.

Whispers in your ear that you make me feel so good, 

and you whisper back, you are good.

I Looking into his eyes, I tell him I want him; he tells me I want you.

We share our bodies, so there is no distance between them. 

Fluids exchanged with pleasure. 

Good girl, good girl, good girl echos through my head.

Passion reaches its peak; fear bottoms out.

Lying together afterwards; neither of us can believe it.

Shock and happiness mixed together.

Wondering what to say next.

He gets up and gets dressed.

"Where are you going?"

"Have to leave. Bye." and with a smile to me, he exits through the front door.

After putting my panties on, I go to my room and look for some over-sized clothes.

Bad girl, bad girl, bad girl echos through my head.

My invisible walls are shattered.

I start rebuilding them.

























Sunday, May 10, 2015

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day I told you as we hugged.

I wish your kids could have said that;

however, they were cruelly taken from you and this earth,

so now they are angels who look out for you.

They still love you, and you love them.

In your heart, they live.

Missing your hugs and smiles,

the tone of your voice, and your caring love.

They know how much you miss them:

their hugs and smiles,

the tones of their voices, and their caring love.

And they want you to know that:

They love you as you love them;

They remember you as you remember them;

They cherish you as you cherish them;

Lastly, they wish you with all their love a Happy Mother's Day.



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Sunday, April 26, 2015

Oblivion Away

The rug has been pulled.

Free-falling into oblivion,

but you catch me.

Steadying myself is not easy;

however, you stand by me.

Gazing into your eyes,

seeing your love gives me hope.

Hope is there.

Holding onto it.

No longer am I free-falling.

Believing you keeps oblivion away.



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Tuesday, February 4, 2014

I Saw Him

I saw him last night

he was lying down next to me,

looking at me with sunglasses on

I was happy, so happy.

He is gone, but he was there.

And he told me something.

That soon I would feel the same.

What does that mean?

Is it a foretelling of my death

or just that I will find some peace?

I do not know.

What I do know is I miss him,


and wish he was still here.




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Monday, October 14, 2013

You and I

You are focused on I,

while I am focused on you.

Things are not going well,

and I do not know why.

I feel my love slipping away,

slipping away from you.

What is happening to me?

Why do I feel this way?

Then one day, I end it.

Surprise for you.

I am sorry.

I had to end it.

I have no love for you.

I do not know why.




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Saturday, May 18, 2013

Life Goes On

Life goes on without you in my life

I miss you so much

But you are gone

Gone for good

You live on in my heart

For all you have done for me

I thank you

Safe you are in my bosom




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Friday, April 5, 2013

Darker, Starker

Getting darker

More starker.

A mess

Utterly hopeless.

So Alone

A moan.

Now stop

Final drop.



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Saturday, March 2, 2013

Trust


Do it too much and others hurt you

Do it not enough and you hurt yourself

Too late for me, those words echo through my thoughts.

I remember feeling pulled and pushed: wanting him, yet not wanting him.

Listening to his words that sounded soothing, yet some how off.

Hearing what I wanted to hear and ignoring all else.

Trusting my fate to him and his sweet sounding voice that was not really.

Now all has been exposed before me and I am alone.

Wondering can I ever trust someone and not get hurt.

Not sure if I can.

What's the use of hoping.

Sigh.

Good-bye.  


Sunday, May 20, 2012

Hope Dashed?

Made a mistake.

Waiting to see if the other shoe will drop.

Wondering if my heart will ache.

Lost it over the final flop.

Hopes dashed?

Did my best?

But is all crashed?

or will my fears be laid to rest?




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Monday, January 24, 2011

No One with Me

Sometimes, I wish you were here

to help me and comfort me

when I need them both.

But no one is here

and I do the best that I can.

I move on and remember

that good times,

but I do not live in the past;

I just enjoy it, and look forward

to days which are filled with sun

and maybe you too, but likely not.


.
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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Abandoned

Why did you abandon me?

I so wanted to see you;

to spend time with you,

and you were not there,

Not anywhere, no where.

I just wanted to be with you,

to have you hug me,

to play with me.

Yet, you were not there for me.

Why? Why abandon me?

I want, I demand an answer.

My questions gets no answer.

You are not here to reply

because you abandon me.


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