Sunday, February 18, 2018

So why ask me?

What do I want?

I do not know.

I just want to please you.

To give you want you want.

That is all: no more; no less.

So why ask me what I want?

I love you too.

Not used to others pleasing me.

Only give; not take.

That is what I was taught.

So why ask me what I want?

I care about you too.

Yes, I will finish what you want me too:

"I want to ....

I do not know.

What if I say something wrong?

What if you get mad at me?

What if you put me down?

Will you hit me?

Will you force me to do something?

Should I just smile a faux smile?

So why ask me what I want?

You mean the world to me too.

Cannot believe you care about me.

Care about my feelings.

Care about what I want.

This is what I want.

I want to ....

Welcome.

Let's go now.



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Sunday, January 7, 2018

Please Don't Go

Please don't go, I almost cry.

Tears wanting running down my face.

Please stay.

Do not want to admit that you will be gone forever soon.

I love you!

Please, please, please, just....

Sobs overcome my words.

Knew this day was coming.

A day I would be left alone.

I do not want to be without you.

You are my life.

I love you more than I can tell you.

You have done so much for me.

And..and. and...

I cannot talk as I hear a last breathe.

I break down and start collapsing crying

alone now, all alone, I feel.

Then two strong arms grab me and help me to my bedroom.

They lay me down on my bed as I continue to cry.

And as I cry myself to sleep, his voice soothing me.

Words of love are whispered into my ear.

'You are not alone, I will always be with you no matter what'

'Your mom will live on in your heart.'

'When we have a daughter, we will name her after your mom'

I let his words echo in my head even after waking up later.



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Reflecting on What I Want

I love you too.

Love cuddling with you too.

Glad you loved this special day for you.

Welcome. Anythings else you would like?

Really? But that was just a joke, wasn't it?

hahahahahahaha.

Then quiet descends between us as we cuddle.

My mind reflects on the joke and wonders, so I ask.

Do you really really want to?

I feel the same: want to, but scared of ending up without you.

I will not leave you either.

You mean the world to me too.

What do I want?

What do i feel is best for me, for us?

Why do you say for me?

You do not want to, unless I want to?

Tension comes off me, and all goes quiet again.

I reflect on what I really want.

No pressure except from me.

Deep breaths to relax and let the answer come to me

Eventually it does, and I tell him.

I am kissed on my cheek.

Words vibrate in my ear that make me smile.

Appreciate your honesty too.

Then we continue to cuddle as an answer is awaited

Eventually an answer appears as my neck is friskily kissed




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Saturday, December 30, 2017

Questions

How could this could have happened/

What is there to do?

What is the question?

What is the path?

Is this the way to go?

Is that way to go?

Or go some other way?

What is the answer?

Is there only one answer?

Which path is wrong?

Is any path really incorrect?

Which one: incorrect or wrong is right?

Or are both right?

What if there are multiple questions?

What if there are multiple answers?

Does it matter?



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Sunday, November 26, 2017

My Past

I look back too much.

Too often the past becomes my reality.

A reality that I want to either ignore or fight.

In either case, it follows me.

How to let it go?

My past is comfort and letting it go is hard.

Comfort even though it is unhealthy for me.

But like a cold-hearted "friend", it is needles me.

It treats me as a pariah, and revels in my loneliness.

But no more!

I will learn how to move on.

How to put my past in the past.

Then find the present and enjoy it.




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Sunday, October 22, 2017

Standing Up for Me


What do you mean by 'I'm lucky that you like it?'

What would have done to me if you did not like it?

What will you do to me some time in the future to me, if you do not like it?

It was a joke, an effing joke you say?

Do not dismiss my feelings, if you do not like them.

I am angry, and it is my right to voice my anger.

I cannot force you to listen to me, but I hope you do

Now you have to stand up and intimidate me?

I can stand up too and not let myself be intimidated by your show of dominance.

Yes, you are stronger than me and can overpower me, but I will not be intimated by you

What are you going to do?

I can see you are angry, deciding what to do.

You have three choices:

1) You can just walk out of here and not come back.

2) You can do what you want to me, and I can add my name to the Me Too hashtag.

3) We can talk and listen to each other and work things out.


What do you want to do?





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Thursday, September 28, 2017

Pain and Love

I want to help you so much to ease your pain.

The constant pain that you are always in.

That you acquired while doing what you felt was right

and I agree with you about that.

Friends gone in an instant,

and you left with a perpetual reminder

of who you lost.

Nevertheless, I love you and always will.

Here with you, I will be.

Helping you until the end of time.

Easing your pain, but never being able to make it gone.

And despite your never ending pain, I will always love you.



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