Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Together

Fear slowly envelops me.

I used to ignore it;

pretend it does not exist.

But you are here,

reminding me, I am ok.

My fear is mine to admit or ignore.

I look at you and feel your touch.

My breathing slows.

I focus on your words;

I feel your touch.

Your love and caring brighten my life.

And the fear ebbs.

We walk together in sunshine, smiling.

Twinkles of love in our eyes.


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Sunday, April 29, 2018

Why Change?

I want to be perfect.

Never make a mistake.

But that is not reality

So instead my anxiety flairs up.

I dictate instead of communicate.

You get upset.

Our communication breaks down.

I beat myself up.

We talk.

Things are fine again.

How long will you put up with this?

Why cannot I change?

To accept myself for who I am.

Release my feelings instead of keeping them bottled up inside.

Change is not easy.

But it can be done.

Yes, it can.

I want to change.

I will change.

I will do it for me.

I will do it for us

For I want us to be happy together.

For I love you.




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Saturday, March 24, 2018

Why? Why? Why?

Why do you treat me so well?

Why are you so gentle with me?

Why have you been so loving to me?


Why do you care about me so much?

Why are you so happy with me?

Why have you been so good to me?


Why do you love me so sweetly?

Why are you so nice to me?

Why have you been so happy with me?


I love you so much.

I am so happy with you.

I have asked you to marry me.




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Sunday, February 18, 2018

So why ask me?

What do I want?

I do not know.

I just want to please you.

To give you want you want.

That is all: no more; no less.

So why ask me what I want?

I love you too.

Not used to others pleasing me.

Only give; not take.

That is what I was taught.

So why ask me what I want?

I care about you too.

Yes, I will finish what you want me too:

"I want to ....

I do not know.

What if I say something wrong?

What if you get mad at me?

What if you put me down?

Will you hit me?

Will you force me to do something?

Should I just smile a faux smile?

So why ask me what I want?

You mean the world to me too.

Cannot believe you care about me.

Care about my feelings.

Care about what I want.

This is what I want.

I want to ....

Welcome.

Let's go now.



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Sunday, January 7, 2018

Please Don't Go

Please don't go, I almost cry.

Tears wanting running down my face.

Please stay.

Do not want to admit that you will be gone forever soon.

I love you!

Please, please, please, just....

Sobs overcome my words.

Knew this day was coming.

A day I would be left alone.

I do not want to be without you.

You are my life.

I love you more than I can tell you.

You have done so much for me.

And..and. and...

I cannot talk as I hear a last breathe.

I break down and start collapsing crying

alone now, all alone, I feel.

Then two strong arms grab me and help me to my bedroom.

They lay me down on my bed as I continue to cry.

And as I cry myself to sleep, his voice soothing me.

Words of love are whispered into my ear.

'You are not alone, I will always be with you no matter what'

'Your mom will live on in your heart.'

'When we have a daughter, we will name her after your mom'

I let his words echo in my head even after waking up later.



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Reflecting on What I Want

I love you too.

Love cuddling with you too.

Glad you loved this special day for you.

Welcome. Anythings else you would like?

Really? But that was just a joke, wasn't it?

hahahahahahaha.

Then quiet descends between us as we cuddle.

My mind reflects on the joke and wonders, so I ask.

Do you really really want to?

I feel the same: want to, but scared of ending up without you.

I will not leave you either.

You mean the world to me too.

What do I want?

What do i feel is best for me, for us?

Why do you say for me?

You do not want to, unless I want to?

Tension comes off me, and all goes quiet again.

I reflect on what I really want.

No pressure except from me.

Deep breaths to relax and let the answer come to me

Eventually it does, and I tell him.

I am kissed on my cheek.

Words vibrate in my ear that make me smile.

Appreciate your honesty too.

Then we continue to cuddle as an answer is awaited

Eventually an answer appears as my neck is friskily kissed




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Saturday, December 30, 2017

Questions

How could this could have happened/

What is there to do?

What is the question?

What is the path?

Is this the way to go?

Is that way to go?

Or go some other way?

What is the answer?

Is there only one answer?

Which path is wrong?

Is any path really incorrect?

Which one: incorrect or wrong is right?

Or are both right?

What if there are multiple questions?

What if there are multiple answers?

Does it matter?



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