Sunday, October 6, 2019

Yes/No; Stop/Go

I want you,

but knowing I should not.

 I want to stop,

but saying go on.

I feel so confused,

paralyzing myself.




I want to say no,

yet saying yes.

 I follow your lead,

suppressing my feelings.

I let u use my body,

making you happy.

I ignore my body's desires,

making me unhappy inside.

I smile faux smiles of happiness,

while you smile real ones.

I have done my duty,

allowing you to fill me up.

I grant you sleep,

while wondering who am I.

I let that thought drift in my head,

fighting the emptiness inside of me.

I fill the emptiness with  walls,

sealing it off from my conciousness.

I want to see what is in me,

perceiving what really is there.

I fear what is inside,

blocking it out of my mind.

I go around and around,

wondering if an answer will ever come.

I feel you stir,

filling me up again.

I reflect on me as you do that,

filling myself up with unaswered questions.

I desire answers,

yet failing to reach out.

I get dressed and leave,

walking into the unknown.






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Sunday, July 28, 2019

Whatever

I am allergic to fish

But I do love you

I do not want to have a reaction

sigh

Whatever you want, dear.


Why do you never do things with me?

But I do love you

I want to go out with you

Sigh

Whatever you want, dear.


Why do we always have to eat meat?

But  I do love you

Let's just have a salad and some veggies

Sigh

Whatever you want dear.


 I just want to cuddle

But I do love you

just hold each other

Sigh

Whatever you want, dear.


I want us to use birth control now

But I do love you

I want kids later, not now

Sigh

Whatever you want, dear.



I feel sad

But, I do love you

You want a smile?

Sigh

Whatever you want, dear.





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I Love You

I love you;

Really do.

But scared to love you;

afraid of being hurt.

Want to love you unconditionally;

the way you love me.

I long to be held;

to feel your warmth against mine.

The warmth of your love filling me;

my warmth would be filling you.

Filling me with love;

my love filling you.

 That is my dream;

to love you as you love me.


 











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Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Hope


Life goes on.



The wait goes on..

Wonder what is next?

Do I care?

I wonder if I do.

But I do.

More than what I want to admit.

I go on because I want to.

Because it is my choice.

I will not give up.

I will not lose hope.

Life is beautiful.

Life is getting better.








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Sunday, January 20, 2019

I Want


What do I want?

I do not know.

I always defer to the other.

Really, I just go along.

Yes, whether I want to or not.

My happiness does not matter.

Only yours does.

 How do I know what I want?

What does it matter?

My feelings do not matter.

What if you say no?

I just want you to tell me what to do.

Ok, ok.  I will tell you.

You will not be angry, will you?ant

Good. I want, I want...

I want to lie next to you.

To feel you heart beating.

To have you hold me.

Nothing else.

Thank you





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Saturday, December 29, 2018

Oh? Oh. Oh!

It's normal.

That's the way it should be.

That's the way it was done.

That's the way I learned normal.

But just because you learned it as normal,

does not mean, it is right.

 Oh? Oh. Oh!

My god, you are right!

I am so sorry,

but sorry does not undo the memories

of the pain that I have inflicted on you.

I hate the one who taught me this way,

yet I do the same,

so how do I feel about me?

How do I break this cycle?

I have to do it myself

for only I can change me.

 However, it will be easier with you at my side.


Nevertheless, you want a break to reflect on what you want.

I understand and accept.

I hope you come back, but that is not my decision to make.

Therefore, love will be set free, and if our love still exists,

it will come back.

If not, I will move on after wishing you the best.

That is normal.



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Saturday, November 3, 2018

Together

As we start our journey together, 

We must focus on what is important. 

What really matters is communication. 

For that is the mortar that binds us in love. 

Love is strengthened by compromising. 

Love is strengthened by actively listening.  

Love is strengthened by caring. 

Love is strengthened by mutual respect. 

Love is strengthened by asking for help. 

Love is strengthened by leaning on each other. 

Love is strengthened by positive feelings. 

So together in life, our love will guide us. 

Guide us on our journey together.