Saturday, April 15, 2017

I love you if

I love you, if you do what I say

I love you, if you do what I want

I love you, if you obey me

I love you, if you follow my orders

I love you, if you eat this

I love you, if you drink that

I love you, if you follow me

I love you, if you ....




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Friday, March 17, 2017

Wishing

Wishing upon a star

for dreams that are still far.

For life is more slogging

than it is jogging.

Taking one step at a time

ignoring the grime.

Advancing at all cost

even when lost.

But mattering not how bad things are

even when stuck in a jar

Happiness is existing even when blue

for I am with you.



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Sunday, February 12, 2017

First Date with the Hunk

I do not have much, but the hunk has asked me out.

Finally, the doorbell rings

I anxiously answer the door. :)

'Hello Rex.'  I smile and almost squeal with delight.

'Hello there,' he replies with a smile and asks if I am ready.

'I am' and then we are off.

'We're we going?' I ask.

'Just see some nature.'

I smile and just relax and watch the town become woods on either side.

We go about 10 miles from town and park in a wooded area

Staying in the car, I roll down my window and listen to the crickets and other sounds.

I look out the passenger window and look into the woods.

This is nice I tell him.

He moves closer to me and start to wrap his arms around me.

Feels good until his hands stop on my breasts.

'No' I tell him, so he drops his hands lower.

'NO, NO, NO,' I tell him and turn to face him

'Why not? Everyone else is doing it!' is the reply

'Then find everyone else and do her,' is my angrily reply.

'Put out or get out' is the reply.

I get out and start walking to home.

'What are you doing?' is an astonished reply.

'I do not have much, but I got myself respect, and I am not giving it away to you.'

I say to myself as much as to him.

With each step, the town gets closer.




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Sunday, January 22, 2017

Trust?

Trust, I want to trust you so much.

To be held in your strong arms,

and made to feel safe and secure.

Yet, I feel wary of trusting you,

of trusting anyone, of trusting myself.

How can I trust myself, trust anyone, trust you?

Maybe I will make a mistake again.

Will you be a mistake?

Maybe you will hurt me?

Maybe, my love, you will hurt me?

Should I take down my walls?

Be vulnerable for you to love?

or to exploit?

I want one, but am afraid of the other.

Which one do I want, and which one am I afraid of?

you ask me.

I do not know is the reply.




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Sunday, December 4, 2016

Unconsciously

Without conscious knowing, I feel the hole within me.

Pain is in it, but I block it out;

Lonely, so lonely, radiates out of the hole.

Ignoring that feeling instead of exploring it,

letting you touch me to cover that hole;

Feeling your hands under my clothes before they are removed.

Unconsciously, the hole is papered over;

Pain does not seep out; it feels good.

Touching each other skin-to-skin.

Wanting you but do not know why;

Just know I do because feeling happier.

Random thoughts of was one taken this morning or yesterday?

Neither of us has one? That's ok

Do not know and do not care.

Smiling at you; at what we are doing.

The pain pushes to get out.

Pushed back by my happiness,

We get as close as possible,

and I happily accept your gift.

Afterwards, lying next to you, happiness fills me;

but the paper starts to tear and the pain slowly slinks out.

Happiness is slowly disappearing till next time


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Sunday, November 20, 2016

Why?

Why cannot I fit in?

Why do I not understand what goes on around me?

Why do you love me for me?

I do love you.

You love me back unconditionally.

I am so unused to that.

You make me feel like I fit in.

You make me understand what goes on around me.

You love me for me.

Still a hole exists in my soul.

Your love covers it.

It keeps me from getting lost in there

Now I just want to go with you:

Walk in the sun together holding hands,

and not worrying about answers to my questions.




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Saturday, October 29, 2016

Yes, Dear

That is all you want to hear.

That I agree with you.

While you gulp your latest beer,

and call me by a moo.

Yes, dear.

You, I fear.

Though that I never say-

even in bed -

where I let you have your way.

Yes, dear started out as a joke,

a fun thing

and I even accepted a ring.

However, my spirit broke,

and it became the standard reply,

and in silence I cry.



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