Be Me

 Dad

I got to quit carrying you.

You failed in so many ways.

You could never be there for me.

  I wanted you to be there for me,

but you never could. 

I need to accept that and go forward.

You never tried to meet me where I needed to be met.

You wanted to me to you at where you wanted me to meet you.

I am still trying to meet you there, even though, you passed years ago.

I need to go forward on my own without carrying you.

Put you on the side of the road, little by little.

Walk with my shoulders and head high, 

looking forward to the future with you behind me.

I can do it.

I will do it.

I can be me. 

Be what I want to be,

who I want to be.

 

Scared

 Scared: 

I am so scared.

Scared of change.

Scared of the unknown. 

I want to control.

I wish to change life to how I want it.

But life does not work like that.

We have to bend.

We have to change directions.

Lose things we want at times.

 Lose things we have at times.

Life is about change.

Adapting to change.

Moving on and not giving up.

It is so hard at times.

But life is ok.

As long as the moving on continues.

 

I love you.

But I have never told you that.

Nor have I ever kissed you.

 My head resting on your chest.

My left ear hearing your heartbeat.

Been so hurt in my past.

Afraid to move on.

Yet feeling wanting to be naked with you.

Our bodies joined together.

Wrapping my body around yours.

Feel a squeeze.

My head raises.

There is my Adonis

Smile back at him.

Being teased to kiss him.

Touching our lips together.

We kiss.

Not stopping until we both are relaxed.

Lying next to each other skin to skin.

Smiling at him.

Then my heart says 'I love you.'

 

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Forward

 Go for it!

No, do not.

Yes do it?

No, I am scared.

It's ok to feel scared.

Hold back.

No, I will not!

Do not move forward.

I will move forward.

Please do not.

No, my choice it to move forward!

Feel the fear.

The fear will empower me to move forward.

Please.

I am scared, but advancing.

Help me, please?

I will; here is my hand.

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Who am I?

You run my life too much.

I need some space from you.

 Space to find out who I am.

 Space to be myself .

How I want to be what you want me to be.

But that is false.

A false version of me.

What is the real version of me?

I do not know.

I want to find out.

I will find out.

I am me.

Whoever I am.

 

 

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Only Talking, Never Walking

 

 Letting go of the past

I need to do it

I talk about it

Never do it

Talk the talk

Never walk the walk

Pretend all is ok

The world around me crumbles

Losing what I love

Not doing anything

except talking

never walking

Why do I hold on

to that which hurts me

just talking

never walking

What can I do to move on

I never really ask myself that

Not in a serious manner

To really reflect on how to move on

I focus on self-hate

Not on self-love

Hate keeps me talking

Love would keep me walking

I need to decide now

Do keep hating

Or start walking

 My choice to follow

I want to walk

To act on

Not think about

Walk in self-love

 

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Middle Ground

Feel so lost

Want to control everything 

Want to control nothing

 Where is the middle ground?

You will do want I want
I will do what you want

Where is the middle ground? 

Go forward

Go back

Where is the middle ground?

I have to find it

I can find it

Where is the middle ground?

When to control

When to not control

Where is the middle ground?

I have to search

Not depend on someone else

Where is the middle ground?





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Breeze and Ocean

You are an ocean breeze: fresh and clean

You are an ocean wave:gently rolling

You are the breeze and the waves
 
You spread joy and happiness with each sea breeze and wave

You have always been there for me

Refreshing the senses and clearing obstacles in the way

Senses that feel the breeze more intensely now

Senses that feel the path without stumbling

Happiness you bring with each gentle breeze and each rolling wave

















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I Want

What do I want?

I do not know.

I always defer to the other.

Really, I just go along.

Yes, whether I want to or not.

My happiness does not matter.

Only yours does.

 How do I know what I want?

What does it matter?

My feelings do not matter.

What if you say no?

I just want you to tell me what to do.

Ok, ok.  I will tell you.

You will not be angry, will you?ant

Good. I want, I want...

I want to lie next to you.

To feel you heart beating.

To have you hold me.

Nothing else.

Thank you
















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Questions

How could this could have happened/

What is there to do?

What is the question?

What is the path?

Is this the way to go?

Is that way to go?

Or go some other way?

What is the answer?

Is there only one answer?

Which path is wrong?

Is any path really incorrect?

Which one: incorrect or wrong is right?

Or are both right?

What if there are multiple questions?

What if there are multiple answers?

Does it matter?

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They

They take our culture

and change it into something it is not.

They do not really understand it

nor try to.

They just twist our culture

into something that it is not.

Confronted about the truth,

they just tell us we are wrong.

We are not wrong;

They are.

We fight a good fight,

but they smile condescendingly.

Feeling they know best

when they do not know anything at all.

In their haughty ignorance, they appropriate our culture,

and reduce it to nothing.

While we keep the true meaning

of our beautiful culture.

A culture that is being shredded

into lies and falsehoods

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Do You Believe In Me?

Do you really exist?

Often I wonder and sometimes doubt.

I do not know what you are like,

for you have never been seen in any form on this planet.

You are one without division - always whole: here and there.

Never seen by any eyes, but your touch has been felt -

even by those who do not believe.

In writing, it says for two score that you were carried in a box

as now free believers sometimes worshiped and obeyed you.

But do you really exist?

I want concrete answers - answers that I can see now,

not just read about and believe.

Am I asking the right questions?

Have I missed the answers right before my eyes?

Do you care that at times I doubt you or even deny you exist?

I think not, so what do you care about me?

You care I do right by your words.

Not perfect as no one ever has been, but just try to do right.

Nothing more, nothing less.

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Within Reach

Almost  achieved my goal.

But not quite, sigh.

However, I am not down;

I am happy for doing so well.

It is within my reach,

if I keep believing in myself

and learning from my errors.

Next time my goal will be achieved.

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Words and Escape

Oh oh. Here it goes again.

I stare between the eyes.

Hateful words come out.

I stay stoic.

I hear words like stupid, dumb, idiot pass my ears.

Yeah, yeah goes through my mind.

Threats chill me.

I remain steadfast.

Anger increases.

I plan my escape.

Then all is quiet.

I exhale slowly.

Footsteps fade.

I leave permanently.

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Take the Chance!

Take it! Take the chance!

Maybe it will work out, maybe not.

Life has no guarantees.

So what is your dream?

Then pursue it.

Try to make it come true.

Follow the path.

Change your direction, if necessary.

Life is unknown.

Embrace it.

Cherish it.

Learn from the journey.

But to pursue it, make it come true, and follow the path.

Then embrace it, cherish it, and learn from the journey.

So take it! Take the chance!





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A Path of Life

My legs get heavier as I walk the path.
A path that I thought would be good,
but has turned out to be muddy.

And the mud is getting thicker,
so my legs become more tired.
I could blame myself
or someone else, but no one,
no one is at fault.

This path I thought would be good for me,
but it is not turning out that way. And so,
I may be forced off the path that I chose.

However, new paths are scary and often rewarding,
or at least learning experiences.
In life, some paths are best left behind,
so reflecting on them is the best that I can do.

.

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Leaving Stress Behind

Stress is good to a point,

but at times it overwhelms me

and leaves me feeling isolated

and lonely and trapped.

Giving up is not in my vocabulary,

but the idea of it rattles in my head at times.

Nevertheless, no matter, how down my psyche is,

deep down, I struggle to come out of the isolation,

and despair, and break free into the warmth

of friendship and smiles and joy.

.

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For a Change

The sea is calming down after years of upheaval.

I am not sure if this will last or how long;

however, I will enjoy it while it lasts.

The waves bid me to come in,

but I simply watch them.

For a change, the sky is blue,

instead of dark and stormy.

I breath the clean air in,

and relax by watching the birds.

.

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My Goal

Striving towards a goal,

but sometimes I feel so run down

that I want to quit.

And sometimes just give up

and be no more.

However, I will not quit

nor give up ever

for one day achieving my goal

is what keeps me going.

.

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Another Year.

Another year has almost come and gone.

So the start of a new dawn.

I wander down many a lonely path.

thinking of the years without wrath.

Looking for what I do not have.

Letting my frustration halve.

Looking forward to a new year

that will blossom with good cheer.

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