You Told Me

You're dying you told me.

The doctors have given you only a few months,

and you are alone.

I wish you were here, so I could help you these final few months.

I would make sure you are housed, fed, and loved.

Maybe we would marry like we have talked about.

You only had an im, and you have been on it lately.

I miss you, I love you.

I want to cry but I cannot.

Are you safe or homeless?

Are you fed or hungry?

Are you loved or unloved?

I hope those questions are yes for you, but I no not.

I want to help you to die with dignity.

To die with someone who loves you and you love back.

Even if I never hear from you again, you will always be in my heart.

All I want is for you to die with dignity,

and if I would be apart of that my wish will come true.






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Words and Escape

Oh oh. Here it goes again.

I stare between the eyes.

Hateful words come out.

I stay stoic.

I hear words like stupid, dumb, idiot pass my ears.

Yeah, yeah goes through my mind.

Threats chill me.

I remain steadfast.

Anger increases.

I plan my escape.

Then all is quiet.

I exhale slowly.

Footsteps fade.

I leave permanently.

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Drip, For Once

For once, I am doing something for me.

Drip, drip, drip.

For once, I have control of my life.

Drip, drip, drip.

For once, I am happy.

Drip, drip, drip.

For once, I only hear the silence.

Drip, drip, drip.

For once, I hear no insults.

Drip, drip, drip.

For once, I let the drips continue.

Drip, drip, drip.

For once, I am not afraid.

Drip, drip, drip.

For once, I smile a real smile.

Drip, drip, drip.

For once, I have no fear.

Drip, drip, drip.

For once, I am at peace.

Drip, drip, drip.





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You and I

You are focused on I,

while I am focused on you.

Things are not going well,

and I do not know why.

I feel my love slipping away,

slipping away from you.

What is happening to me?

Why do I feel this way?

Then one day, I end it.

Surprise for you.

I am sorry.

I had to end it.

I have no love for you.

I do not know why.





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Waiting on an Island for You

Waiting on an island

for you and only you,

but you fail to cross the bridge

that connects you to me.

Is it fear of being hurt again

for you have been hurt so much?

I await for you,

with unconditional love

that you will not fear.

For on the island,

to help the unconditional love grow,

I spread the seed of equality for both of us.

Since we are equals, I wait to share my love

with you and await your love to share with me.

But alone, I wait and wait and wait.

And I start to wonder how long should I wait?

How long till the island is deserted?

I want you with me, but I cannot cross that bridge for you.

I want you. I want you. I want you.

But I will not wait forever.




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Dreaming and Achieving

Dreaming of my goal.

Going for it.

Dreams dashed - temporarily.

It is not the end of the world,

even it felt like it at the time.

Life goes on,

so will I.

Stopping, evaluating, planning.

Plan, change, act.

Keep believing in myself.

Dwell on what  is possible.

Focus on the goal.

Then one day, my dreams

will become reality -

Achieving my goal.





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Fun, then Hope.

Fun, fun, fun.

The kids are having fun.

Laughing, playing, being kids

Adults watching them.

Smiling, relaxing, laughing too.

Then shock, horror, oh my god....

The ambulance comes and goes.

The hospital staff do what they can.

The patient remains unconcious.

Questions and answers go back and forth.

Will she wake up?  Maybe. Maybe not.

How long will she be unconcious? Unknown.

How bad is the damage? Who knows.

Will she fully recover? We do not know.

What do you know then? Hope, there is hope, always hope.

The patient remains unconcious.

Hope hangs in the air and in loved ones hearts.





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Walking Along

Walking and enjoying the night

Looking at what I can see.

A shadow caused by a light

seems to be watching me.

I walk slower and watch

it following me.

The figure seems to undo a latch;

a twist shoots pain down from my knee.

I hobble along the path

A formless voice stays 'Hope you are ok.'

Those words dissipate my wrath,

Having made my day.




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Lonely

So lonely,

So lonely am I .

I want to sleep with you,

not because I love you,

not because I care for you,

not because I really want to.

Nevertheless, I want to feel someone with me.

I will sleep with you,

to pretend you love me,

to pretend you care for me,

to pretend you want me.

So for a few fleeting moments,

not so lonely I will be,

or pretend to be.




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Almost Empty

Almost empty is the womb.

No one else hears me.

No one else sees me.

No one else touches me.

No one else smells me.

No one to taste me.

Almost empty in my room.

I reach out.

I hear someone.

I see someone.

I touch someone.

I smell someone.

I taste someone.

I have no doubt.

Almost empty in my tomb.

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Silence

Waiting to hear from you;

Wondering if I ever will again;

Calls go to voice mail;

That never get a response;

My phone stays silent;

Texts go unanswered as well;

You love me you say;

I love you too;

however, how long will we last?




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How I Sprained my Ankle

The man in the moon and me were talking about hey diddle-diddle,

and listening to a cat with a fiddle

Then alas, a woe:

it was time for me to go.

But a cow was jumping over the moon

watching the dish run run away with the spoon.

So while I went up, the cow's hoof went down on my foot

as I went to jump home.

My ankle then went kaput,

and I could not roam.

So I sit at home while my foot heals,

eating beef with all my meals.



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Life Goes On

Life goes on without you in my life

I miss you so much

But you are gone

Gone for good

You live on in my heart

For all you have done for me

I thank you

Safe you are in my bosom





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Me or Meat

Do you love me for me,
or am I a piece of meat?

Do you love my soul,
or am I a body for your pleasure?

Do you love the sparkle in my eyes,
or am I only stripped naked by your eyes?

Do you love my smile,
or am I only another conquest?

Do you love my touch,
or am I just inviting you to use me?

Do you love my personality,
or am I blinded by you to reality?

Do you really love me,
or am I just letting myself be a piece of meat?




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Light

You two provide light.

Light that shines no matter how dark.

Dark that I see.

See nothing else but a faint glow.

Glow that keeps me going.

Going instead of surrendering.

Surrendering would be so easy.

Easy to give up and sleep.

Sleep blissfully

Blissfully is no sleep, but your light.






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Go or Come

 Go away.

I  will not follow you;

no matter how much I want you.

Your dreams are nihilistic.

Some of mine are not.

You are bitter and caustic.

Those feelings are not mine.

But you want me.

'Come to me, just come.'

Resistance is mine.

For now, my feet stay planted.

But for how long?

That is not known.




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Black

Black is the night and my sight.

Comforting it is and so familiar.

And I see a figure approaching.

A bony finger beckoning me.

Beckoning me to join it.

A voice echos 'Walk the walk.

Join me and see an end.

Your blackness shall be no more.'

My eyes see black every where.

A decision is made.

Feet move.




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Darker, Starker

Getting darker

More starker.

A mess

Utterly hopeless.

So Alone

A moan.

Now stop

Final drop.




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Trust

Do it too much and others hurt you

Do it not enough and you hurt yourself

Too late for me, those words echo through my thoughts.

I remember feeling pulled and pushed: wanting him, yet not wanting him.

Listening to his words that sounded soothing, yet some how off.

Hearing what I wanted to hear and ignoring all else.

Trusting my fate to him and his sweet sounding voice that was not really.

Now all has been exposed before me and I am alone.

Wondering can I ever trust someone and not get hurt.

Not sure if I can.

What's the use of hoping.

Sigh.

Good-bye.  

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Lessons Learned

At last your heart has stopped.

I was wondering how long you had left.

I had mentioned  to someone a few days before

"A week, A few weeks, a few months, a year."

It was hard to see and hear you decline.

We did not have an easy relationship,

but we could be together and be happy.

You taught me a lot; however,

it took years for me to realize that.

You did the best you could,

and I thank you with a last bye.





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Your Voice

The vibrations of your voice against my ear drums are a gentle breeze.

The sounds generated feel like a Chinook wind after some bitter cold.

The temperature of your tone soothes my chapped skin like a spring sun.

The warm love of your voice reminds me of a sunny day.







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Better

Maybe a little better now.

Life has not been so easy recently,

but your friendship helps me.

It helps me to move forward;

to keep smiling and laughing.

But what I appreciate the most

is that you listen to me

when I feel alone and afraid.

After telling you my secrets,

that you will keep, I feel better.

Sometimes a little, sometimes a lot.

But always after getting a hug from you,

I feel glad to be alive.





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