I am a Good Girl - Five Years Later

Five years have gone by and much has changed.

I am almost finished with college.

It has not been easy with my daughter.

I was such a "good girl" then.

I needed to be that because otherwise,

I would have been a "bad girl".

"Good girl" or "bad girl" the choice was easy to make.

So I let him do what he wanted with my body

because being a "good girl" was who I was,

and a "good girl" will always please her partner.

That's what I believed then.

I had unprotected sex, and then a baby

because that is what he wanted, not me.

However, I had to be a "good girl".

During my pregnancy, I began to stand up to him

for now it was not just about him and me.

And after she was born, I stood up to him even more.

I fought more and more with him, so eventually, I told him bye.

Really, I did not want her, but she has taught me something

that I will treasure and teach her.

I will teach her to that she does not have to be a .good girl".

Instead, she can say stand up for herself, say no and mean it!

and still be a Good Girl.

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I am a Good Girl

I am a good girl, so I tell him no.

Even if I want to make love to him,

I always tell him no at first

before I say yes or give in.

He is here with me and the pattern is repeating.

I do not know why I feel so hollow, so empty inside.

All I want to do is make him happy,

but what about my happiness?

I hear myself tell me

your happiness is to make him happy

because you are a good girl.

Part of me rebels at that thought.

My rebellious part tells me my happiness is to make me happy.

But I feel pain and loneliness in those words, so I push that thought away.

He wants to go further than I want to, but I let him to make him happy.

I can see his happiness as we make love.

To keep him happy, I fake mine

for I am a good girl.

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Happy to See Him

I am happy to see him.

I know he loves me,

and I love him.

He makes me happy.

I talk and listen to him

before I kiss him.

That is all I want.

I feel his hands are on part of my body

that I would rather he not touch,

so I push them away.

This happens a few times

before he whines a please

and a let me make you happy.

He tries again, so I make him happy.

It goes on this way till we have done it all.

At last, it is time for him to leave

so I hear him tell me an answer

that he never asked the question to.

I hear him tell me "I am glad you enjoyed it"

as he leaves for maybe the last time.

I was happy to see him; however,

I am happier to see him go.

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Over

The crisis has past; it is over.

I breathe a sigh of relief.

I cannot wait to see you again,

give you hug, tell you I love you,

and appreciate you for being there for me.

I breathe another sigh of relief.

The crisis has past; it is over -

For Now.

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.