Feels as if I am always wrong.
Always wrong.
But I am not, but I believe it.
Even though it is not true.
Is it because of my disability, my growing up, something else, or a combination of them?
I do not know.
I wish is did.
I just want to feel ok.
To feel that; to feel ok and believe it.
Why is that so hard to do?
I just want to believe in me.
That's all.
Boundaries are to protect oneself.
Yet I have so much problem setting them.
And that is ok.
What is important though is to learn to set them.
To make mistakes and. not beat myself up over them.
But to learn from the mistakes.
That way boundries can be set.
Then I will be happy;
living a life that makes me feel good inside.
Because of a boundary that I set for me.
Why, Why, Why?
Why, Why?
Why are you. never here?
Physically yes, but emotionally no.
Why, why, why?
Why, Why?
Why no affection?
I just want a hug, but none comes.
Why, why, why?
Why, Why?
Why are you so aloof?
You are there, but cannot be reached.
Why, Why, Why?
Why, Why?
Why do you keep me at arms length?
I watch, but you never teach me.
Why, why, why?
Why, why?
Why do you never reach out to me?
You are like a ghost to be seen, but not touched.
Why, Why, Why?
Why, why?
Why do my feelings get ignored?
I want you here, but you can never be.
Why, why, why?
Where are you?
I am little and alone
You are there, but not.
I want you here.
You remain aloof.
I am lonely.
You are never there.
I grow up feeling bad.
You are satisfied.
Light is there.
Often I choose focus on the blackness instead.
I sink into holes then.
Holes without light.
That is what I tell myself.
However, light is there.
I just have to look outward.
Outward to see the light.
Light that is hope.
Light that is warmth.
Light that is always there.
Focus on them three.
For they are all parts of the light.
I love you.
But I have never told you that.
Nor have I ever kissed you.
My head resting on your chest.
My left ear hearing your heartbeat.
Been so hurt in my past.
Afraid to move on.
Yet feeling wanting to be naked with you.
Our bodies joined together.
Wrapping my body around yours.
Feel a squeeze.
My head raises.
There is my Adonis
Smile back at him.
Being teased to kiss him.
Touching our lips together.
We kiss.
Not stopping until we both are relaxed.
Lying next to each other skin to skin.
Smiling at him.
Then my heart says 'I love you.'
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Go for it!
No, do not.
Yes do it?
No, I am scared.
It's ok to feel scared.
Hold back.
No, I will not!
Do not move forward.
I will move forward.
Please do not.
No, my choice it to move forward!
Feel the fear.
The fear will empower me to move forward.
Please.
I am scared, but advancing.
Help me, please?
I will; here is my hand.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
