What Else ...?

I'm pregnant I tell you and smile

You smile back, give me a chaste kiss,

and tell me you are happy.

It's what we wanted;

Our minds agree we have done the right thing.

Yet, when you suggested to me some months

before I graduated high school that

we should have a baby, I told you no.

But not long after graduation, I changed my mind.

So now I am expecting and looking forward

to the baby with me that I allowed you to create.

My mind is happy, and I continue to smile.

However, deep in my mind the answer of nothing

lies within; but the question to the answer,

I dare not ask myself now. Maybe NEVER ask myself!

Now that I have graduated high school with

no jobs prospects nor any more schooling desired,

I do not ask myself:

What else was there to do?

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No, I am not.

No I am not.
Yes, you are.

I am not!
But you have...

No, I cannot be.
enough symptoms...

stop! stop! stop!
to show you are.

I do not want to be.
I am here for you.

I really do not.
You are ok.

But I am.
A smile for you.

I am scared.
I care for you.

Yes, I am ok.
Hug you tight.

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Tic Toc

'Are you sure nothing will happen?'

'It has not so far, right?'

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc, the clock moves closer to midnight.

'This is so good to do it this way.'

'Yes it is.'

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc, the clock moves closer to the tell tolling.

'Risk makes it so much more better.'

'Yes, without risk, it is no fun.'

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc, the clock moves even closer to the bell tolling.

'Do you want to meet tonight?'

'Oh yes, of course'

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc, the clock moves still closer to the bell tolling.

'Let's do it while we have time together.'

'Always time for that.'

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc, the clock moves ever closer to the bell tolling.

'Nothing bad ever happens to us.'

'That is so true.'

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc, the bell finally tolls for those who think it never would.

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My Mom, the Zombie

Her body lives on; Her memory has not.

She goes on her daily business, yet remembers no one.

She loves to see us and hear us; however, does she really remember us?

She has become a zombie - alive, yet not alive. Breathing in the air, but not remembering, the sweetness of it.

Feeling joy at the sound of a familiar voice, but the joy is quickly forgotten once the call is finished.

She kept getting worse over the years, and we could do nothing to stop it or even slow it. Her we watched getting worse and worse, becoming more and more a zombie. Till now she is one.

She wants to see me and asks each time when I talk to her. She forgets I have neither the time nor the money, and I do not mind her asking me.

Her requests though hurt me because she has a zombie's memory.

She will see me one day and then forget I was there.

Her heart though will remember I was there. For her love for those who love her still lives on in her heart unforgotten.

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Leaving Stress Behind

Stress is good to a point,

but at times it overwhelms me

and leaves me feeling isolated

and lonely and trapped.

Giving up is not in my vocabulary,

but the idea of it rattles in my head at times.

Nevertheless, no matter, how down my psyche is,

deep down, I struggle to come out of the isolation,

and despair, and break free into the warmth

of friendship and smiles and joy.

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Questions

I have so many unasked questions that I want to ask.

Sometimes, they are best left unsaid,

and sometimes, having said one, I am taken to task.

So some questions now are on my lips but dead.

Questions can be inquisitive, helpful, or simply kind.

I like to always to understand and learn,

for that improves and sharpens my mind.

And as I ask a question, another one starts to churn.

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Are You OK?

I know you survived the op intially,

but what about now?

Quiet you have remained since that one day,

a few days ago. Silence. Calls not answered nor returned.

Are you ok or did you take a turn for the worse?

I wish I knew. Knew how you were.

That's all I want to know. How are you?

And when can I hear your sweet voice again?

Or will I never hear it again?

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