Him or Her?

He said ....

She said ....

Each told me the opposite of what the other said.

I like them and want to believe both their stories.

But how can both be true? 

Are both wrong?

Are they embellished to make themselves look better or the other worse?

Each want me to side with them.

Do I side with her or him?

Why do I only have these two choices?

Why cannot I see that I have another choice.

I can stay neutral and be there for both of them.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I am a Good Girl - Five Years Later

Five years have gone by and much has changed.

I am almost finished with college.

It has not been easy with my daughter.

I was such a "good girl" then.

I needed to be that because otherwise,

I would have been a "bad girl".

"Good girl" or "bad girl" the choice was easy to make.

So I let him do what he wanted with my body

because being a "good girl" was who I was,

and a "good girl" will always please her partner.

That's what I believed then.

I had unprotected sex, and then a baby

because that is what he wanted, not me.

However, I had to be a "good girl".

During my pregnancy, I began to stand up to him

for now it was not just about him and me.

And after she was born, I stood up to him even more.

I fought more and more with him, so eventually, I told him bye.

Really, I did not want her, but she has taught me something

that I will treasure and teach her.

I will teach her to that she does not have to be a .good girl".

Instead, she can say stand up for herself, say no and mean it!

and still be a Good Girl.

.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

I am a Good Girl

I am a good girl, so I tell him no.

Even if I want to make love to him,

I always tell him no at first

before I say yes or give in.

He is here with me and the pattern is repeating.

I do not know why I feel so hollow, so empty inside.

All I want to do is make him happy,

but what about my happiness?

I hear myself tell me

your happiness is to make him happy

because you are a good girl.

Part of me rebels at that thought.

My rebellious part tells me my happiness is to make me happy.

But I feel pain and loneliness in those words, so I push that thought away.

He wants to go further than I want to, but I let him to make him happy.

I can see his happiness as we make love.

To keep him happy, I fake mine

for I am a good girl.

.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Happy to See Him

I am happy to see him.

I know he loves me,

and I love him.

He makes me happy.

I talk and listen to him

before I kiss him.

That is all I want.

I feel his hands are on part of my body

that I would rather he not touch,

so I push them away.

This happens a few times

before he whines a please

and a let me make you happy.

He tries again, so I make him happy.

It goes on this way till we have done it all.

At last, it is time for him to leave

so I hear him tell me an answer

that he never asked the question to.

I hear him tell me "I am glad you enjoyed it"

as he leaves for maybe the last time.

I was happy to see him; however,

I am happier to see him go.

.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Over

The crisis has past; it is over.

I breathe a sigh of relief.

I cannot wait to see you again,

give you hug, tell you I love you,

and appreciate you for being there for me.

I breathe another sigh of relief.

The crisis has past; it is over -

For Now.

.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Stop

Stop, I want to stop; however, I feel as I cannot.
I must do what you want; I have no choice,
even though fear fills every pore of my body.

So I go forward, against my better judgment,
for I feel that forward is the only option.
My body trembles with anxiety.

I want to stop so bad - so bad that is hurts,
yet I feel I cannot, so I get lost in my head.
Thus hopelessness is the only emotion my body feels.

Then I do what you want, and all blows up in my face.
You yell at me for things beyond what I should know.
My body cries silently for years and years.

I so wish I could go back in time,
and to the point where I was, but this time
I would say stop, stop, stop. no, No, NO.

.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

A Path of Life

My legs get heavier as I walk the path.
A path that I thought would be good,
but has turned out to be muddy.

And the mud is getting thicker,
so my legs become more tired.
I could blame myself
or someone else, but no one,
no one is at fault.

This path I thought would be good for me,
but it is not turning out that way. And so,
I may be forced off the path that I chose.

However, new paths are scary and often rewarding,
or at least learning experiences.
In life, some paths are best left behind,
so reflecting on them is the best that I can do.

.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.