Standing Up

You cannot do x.

I have done it for years and like it.

Feeling bad; wondering what I have done wrong.

Inside me the anger festers.

Breathing deep, my anger calms down with time.

Finding someone who I thought I wronged, I talk to her.

She tells me you did nothing wrong.

The president is there, and tells me to continue helping.

Standing up for myself, talking in a calm voice, helped me.

Made me feel happy with myself.

Second time in a week.

First time, elsewhere, I was asked about a friend who I love.

She has medical issued, and he asked me why go with this loser?

I answered in firm voice that she is great.

He shut up.

Smiling for standing up for myself.

Standing up for me has been the right decision.

For if I do not stand up for myself, who will?

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Who Should Stew?

You make me out to be the bad guy,

and you are totally innocent.

I need to learn to laugh when you do that.

Show you that you have not gotten to me.

That would be much better than me letting me stew.

Stewing is a habit that I need to break.

Change is not so easy.

But it is better to let you stew instead of me. 

I want to be free of you.

To not carry you at all.

Just let you stew and for me,

for me to walk away happy.

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My Friends

Alone in the box

Safe, secure, comfortable.

It is nice, albeit dark and lonely.

The darkness is my friend;

the loneliness is my friend too.

They make me feel safe and secure.

I am alone in  the box.

Protected from the outside world.

My friends guard me.

They guard and protect me at a cost that is ignored.




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Smack, Smack, Smack

"Why did you do that?"

"because I was asked to."

Smack, Smack, Smack

"Why did you agree to that?"

"because I have trouble saying no."

Smack, Smack, Smack.

"Should you have done that?"

"No, I should not have."

Smack, Smack, Smack.

"Then why do that?"

"How do you say no?"

Smack, Smack, Smack.

"Why cannot you say no?"

"I want people to like me."

Smack, Smack, Smack.

"Do you think I like you now?"

"No, you are mad at me."

Smack, Smack, Smack.

"Do you think you can stay in your own area?"

"Yes, I can."

Smack, Smack, Smack.

"Really, I hope you learn to do it."

"I can do it!"

Smack, Smack, Smack.

"How soon will we have this conversation again?"

"Never again."

Smack, Smack, Smack.

"Sure, sure."

"Sure, sure."

Smack, Smack, Smack.





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take care of you.

'Let me take care of you.'

I am not used to that -
to someone taking care of me.

'You deserve someone to take care of you.'

I do? It feel so strange.

'I like to do take care of you.'

Why? How can I know you will stay with me?

'Because I love you.'

Really? Hard for me to believe.

'Let me hug you.'

Thank you, love.



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Wanting...

I want ....

Do I want .....?

You will be here soon.

I am happy and nervous.

You who will round me out and listen to me.

I will round you out and listen to you.

It will not be easy, but we will listen to each other.

We will give hugs and share love.

Silence will be golden between us.

Love will be here too.

Do we want ...?

We want ....





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Let Go

Why could you not help me?

Instead you put me down;

you belittled me.

And I stuffed it all inside.

I stuffed my anger,

and blamed myself instead of you.

I felt I was back in school being bullied.

Blackness surrounds me,

and only now am I realizing it.

By realizing my anger, I see options.

Options lessen the darkness,

and make me feel in control.

Maybe it is too late,

and some options will be closed to me;

however, other options exist now,

or will open up.

I just need to see the light,

let go of the anger,

and remember I am ok.





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