Sunday, March 4, 2012

Over

The crisis has past; it is over.

I breathe a sigh of relief.

I cannot wait to see you again,

give you hug, tell you I love you,

and appreciate you for being there for me.

I breathe another sigh of relief.

The crisis has past; it is over -

For Now.



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Friday, February 24, 2012

Stop

Stop, I want to stop; however, I feel as I cannot.
I must do what you want; I have no choice,
even though fear fills every pore of my body.

So I go forward, against my better judgment,
for I feel that forward is the only option.
My body trembles with anxiety.

I want to stop so bad - so bad that is hurts,
yet I feel I cannot, so I get lost in my head.
Thus hopelessness is the only emotion my body feels.

Then I do what you want, and all blows up in my face.
You yell at me for things beyond what I should know.
My body cries silently for years and years.

I so wish I could go back in time,
and to the point where I was, but this time
I would say stop, stop, stop. no, No, NO.



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A Path of Life

My legs get heavier as I walk the path.
A path that I thought would be good,
but has turned out to be muddy.

And the mud is getting thicker,
so my legs become more tired.
I could blame myself
or someone else, but no one,
no one is at fault.

This path I thought would be good for me,
but it is not turning out that way. And so,
I may be forced off the path that I chose.

However, new paths are scary and often rewarding,
or at least learning experiences.
In life, some paths are best left behind,
so reflecting on them is the best that I can do.



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Sunday, January 29, 2012

What Else ...?

I'm pregnant I tell you and smile

You smile back, give me a chaste kiss,

and tell me you are happy.

It's what we wanted;

Our minds agree we have done the right thing.

Yet, when you suggested to me some months

before I graduated high school that

we should have a baby, I told you no.

But not long after graduation, I changed my mind.

So now I am expecting and looking forward

to the baby with me that I allowed you to create.

My mind is happy, and I continue to smile.

However, deep in my mind the answer of nothing

lies within; but the question to the answer,

I dare not ask myself now. Maybe NEVER ask myself!

Now that I have graduated high school with

no jobs prospects nor any more schooling desired,

I do not ask myself:

What else was there to do?



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Thursday, December 29, 2011

No, I am not.

No I am not.
Yes, you are.

I am not!
But you have...

No, I cannot be.
enough symptoms...

stop! stop! stop!
to show you are.

I do not want to be.
I am here for you.

I really do not.
You are ok.

But I am.
A smile for you.

I am scared.
I care for you.

Yes, I am ok.
Hug you tight.



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Monday, November 28, 2011

Tic Toc

'Are you sure nothing will happen?'

'It has not so far, right?'

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc, the clock moves closer to midnight.

'This is so good to do it this way.'

'Yes it is.'

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc, the clock moves closer to the tell tolling.

'Risk makes it so much more better.'

'Yes, without risk, it is no fun.'

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc, the clock moves even closer to the bell tolling.

'Do you want to meet tonight?'

'Oh yes, of course'

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc, the clock moves still closer to the bell tolling.

'Let's do it while we have time together.'

'Always time for that.'

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc, the clock moves ever closer to the bell tolling.

'Nothing bad ever happens to us.'

'That is so true.'

Tic Toc, Tic Toc, Tic Toc, the bell finally tolls for those who think it never would.



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Sunday, October 30, 2011

My Mom, the Zombie

Her body lives on; Her memory has not.

She goes on her daily business, yet remembers no one.

She loves to see us and hear us; however, does she really remember us?

She has become a zombie - alive, yet not alive. Breathing in the air, but not remembering, the sweetness of it.

Feeling joy at the sound of a familiar voice, but the joy is quickly forgotten once the call is finished.

She kept getting worse over the years, and we could do nothing to stop it or even slow it. Her we watched getting worse and worse, becoming more and more a zombie. Till now she is one.

She wants to see me and asks each time when I talk to her. She forgets I have neither the time nor the money, and I do not mind her asking me.

Her requests though hurt me because she has a zombie's memory.

She will see me one day and then forget I was there.

Her heart though will remember I was there. For her love for those who love her still lives on in her heart unforgotten.


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