My Fault

His dinner; my fault

I tell him why I am late with his meal:

I started it late because traffic was bad; he yells at me for not doing the errands sooner.

My voice is filled with intonated anger that sets him off.


 His slap; my fault

His palm across my face hard. Then face to face, he asks icily, "Why am I making him angry?"

I feel scared; I avert my eyes from his gaze.


His words; My fault

He takes my aversion as a sign of my guilt, so he pushes hard against the fridge.

His hand tightly on my jaw; my eyes wide with fear.

"Who is it?" he demands.

"No one..." I start to tell him, but he interrupts with an acerbic tone:  "Liar, Slut, Whore, Bitch."


His reaction; My fault

Those words break my fear and unleash a torrent of anger.

Remembering all the times, I smelled perfumes that were not mine,

I coldly answer back, "I am not the lying, slutty whoring bitch here."

I see his eyes widen with rage, and say, "I am sorry, sorry, sorry."


His torture: My fault

With one forearm holding me in place, he pulls my tube top below my breasts.

Next he twists a breast hard, causing me anguish: he smiles at my distress.

In the face of pain, defiance sets in, and I spit in his face.


His rape; My fault

He slams in fist into my face, then tosses me to the floor, and tears off my clothes.

Dazed, I do not realize what is happening at first, then I scream no, please don't.

I try to fight back, but he grabs me by the hair and slams my head hard against the floor:

Again and again, until the fight goes out of me, and he penetrates me.

After he ejaculates in me, he questions me as to why I do not respect him as I should.

After all he informs me that he respects me.


His decision; My fault

Still partly stunned, I look him in the eye incredulously and say, "You respect me?

"You respect me?" He smiles, until I start to laugh at him and his words.

Laughing, I fail to see what is coming, but I suddenly feel his hands tightly around my throat.

I futilely try to break his grip or get him off of me.

Slowly I feel myself slipping away into darkness, wishing I could prevent my impending demise,

and then as I slipp into oblivion, I have one final thought:

My death; my fault.





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My Dream

My dream is coming true.

I can see it.

The sky shines a bright blue.


My dream is occurring in perfect pitch.

 I can hear it.

The music is playing without a hitch


My dream is coating each taste bud.

I can taste it.

The succulence no longer tastes like mud.


My dream is enveloping me.

I can feel it.

I feel so free.






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My Dreams

I have followed my dreams:

The ones that were most important to me.

That is something I am proud of.

I look back  at my life and smile.

Yet, people ask if I have any regrets.

Honestly, I do wish some things had turned out differently;

however,

I have lived life to its fullest,

and that is something that I do not regret.




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Which Door?

I go and go and go: so many things to do and finish.

Pressure builds to keep working on them all the time.

Yet, I am feeling burned out.

A break to have where I do nothing and worry about nothing.

I long for that: where peace and tranquility reins supreme.

But unless time is set aside for that by me, it will never come.

As my heart and mind move toward the door to open it, they choose a door to go through.






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The Door

Unexpectedly, the phone rings, and he asks if he can stop by.

Yes, my voice says after listening to my heart.

My mind inquires of my heart 'is this right?  You know he has someone.'

'Does he really?' comes the reply. 'Maybe he wants me.'

My mind whirls not only with possibilities of love, marriage, and family,

but with me destroying something he has (may have.)

What should my decision be? What door is right for me, for us?

'He and me are the right decision' tells my heart.

'Are you so sure?' comes the reply.  'Do you want him to change you for someone else one day?'


'He will not. He loves me now and forever'

A cold silence is the reply.

Time ticks slowly by as no knock is heard.

My heart tells my mind 'maybe you have a point.'

My mind answers 'maybe you do too.'

They go on talking about what is the right decision.

Suddenly a rap on the door interrupts my wondering of what to do.





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As my heart and mind move toward the door to open it, they choose a door to go through.

True Friends

That's what true friends are for.

To be there when you are happy

sharing your joy and good news

To be there when you are sad

sharing your frustrations, and bad news.

To listen to you without judgement.

No matter whether what you say is good or bad.

To be happy for you, and to cry with you.


For better or for worse, true friends will stand by you,


and you will stand by them. 


So realize who they are and spend time with them, 


so your friendship does not fade into the past.


No matter how you feel, let those friendships bring joy to you


because without true friends, is life worth living?





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Mountains

Sometimes the mountains seem so big, so overwhelming.

I get scared about climbing them.

Instead I just walk up to the bottom and back off.

I repeat this again and again.

Until one day I break the mountain up into small chunks

and climb each chunk until I reach the top.

Then feeling accomplished, I can go down slowly.

Feeling the confidence within me.

Confidence that will allow me to scale the next ones before me.




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