Another Year.

Another year has almost come and gone.

So the start of a new dawn.

I wander down many a lonely path.

thinking of the years without wrath.

Looking for what I do not have.

Letting my frustration halve.

Looking forward to a new year

that will blossom with good cheer.

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Doing Laundry

Doing laundry

is like having

unprotected sex.

You never quite know

till after it is done

how things come out.

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My Other Child

My other child wants.

He always wants.

Never thinks of me, only himself.

I give in to him

because it is easier

than fighting him,

with his whines of his needs.

What about my needs?

Unimportant he believes.

Unimportant unless he wants something.

He tells me I want food now;

Now, not not in an hour. NOW!

Sigh. I feed him to shut him up.

He tells me I want this place clean;

Yet he fails to clean up after himself,

and I get blamed for the mess.

I need help with our daughter;

I'm busy he replies.

Right...busy playing his latest game.

He is still on the game hours later

when I again ask for help with our daughter.

Snidely he tells me you're the one who got pregnant.

I bite my tongue and my reply die in my mouth:

You sure liked sticking it in,

but you sure hate to deal with what came out.

That night he comes up and pesters me for sex.

Too tired to argue, I agree.

On the bed I lie emotionless, and motionless

while he does me.

He finishes and asks me with a sneer on his face

have fun, did you?

My response is a sigh, get out of bed

and to close the bedroom door behind me.

I sleep on the couch in my office,

preparing to repeat the day again tomorrow.

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I Hold You with Love

I hold you with love.

I hold you with love because you deserve genuine love.

I hold you with love to show you that you can be honestly loved.

I hold you with love since I accept you for you.

I hold you with love for you have a good heart.

I hold you with love because you are lovely.

I hold you with love because I care about you.

I hold you with love because one day I want you to feel -

feel the same way about me.

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My Way

Going back to my mom, which is what I wanted.

I was saying my last good-byes to a special friend

who helped me get out of here.

Here where dad wanted me, and controlled me, or so he thought

for he had taught me well, and I learned well from the master.

He wanted me to to smile and be lady-like, so I did.

It made him happy.

Always I kept my front up even in front of my special friend,

except when we were alone in private.

He was so lonely, so desperate for someone;

He loved me, and I loved him for what I needed him for.

He was nervous at first, but I told him if he loved me,

he would do it my way, so he gave freely without care.

When he did, he saw a big smile for him on my face.

Eventually a chain reaction was set in motion.

The end result was that I was here,

going back to mom. I was happy.

Time to go; I say bye.

As I go to through security to my jet,

I wonder two things: if he has realized

that not everything I was carrying could be seen,

and also how long should I carry the unseen baggage.

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The Meal

The Meal


Tonight is the night that I will finally do it.

Finally sleep with my bf.

I feel nervous, happy, anxious.

A long time I have put him off, but no longer.

He comes over, and I make dinner for us.

Wash the dishes and sharp knives and put the in the rack.

My pretty pink rack that I will not change for him.

After dinner, he leads me to the couch where we make out

as the tv drones on in the background.

Finally it is time and he leads me to my bedroom.

He's been so patient with me;

waiting for me to say yes.

I love his patience; I never thought he would stay with me.

He takes his time and makes me feel good.

Eventually we come together and it feels good.

I am glad I waited for him..

I tell him he made me feel good.

He smiles and tells me has something to tell me.

I smile when he tells me that.

I dream of a ring on my finger.

He tells me that he's moving to Anchorage.

I say nothing. Wondering....wondering....

Will he ask me to go with him?

Instead he tells me that he do not want to be a father now.

I tell him I do not want to be a mother now.

I feel happy that he does not want to pressure me about having kids.

Then he tells me he did not use a condom.

I freeze. I feel fear, then scared, then anger

all the while wondering will this get me pregnant?

So, a plan forms in my mind.

I smile sweetly asking him if he is hungry.

He replies that he is, so I get up to make him another meal

and walk with him to the kitchen.

We go to the sink where he asks me what am I making.

Sweetly smiling, I tell him what I will make for him:

MC Pig's Rocky Mountain Oysters,

while reaching for the knife that I will use to get the oysters.

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Our Friendship Is Short of Time

I love to hear your voice, to listen to you talk.
Often after hanging up, I feel better.
And you tell me you feel the same.

I hope to meet you one day, but time is short.
Our friendship will not far off, be just a memory.
A memory in me, for life is short for you.

Much younger you are, but life's final chapter
is facing you squarely. No way to hide,
no way to avoid it. Sometimes, I cry inside.

I would love to meet you and see your smile,
then give you a great big hug, and then
get one of each from you.

We have talked about meeting, but money,
like our time of friendship, is short.
Therefore, we strive to enjoy what we have.

Hence, we want to enjoy our friendship,
so I will listen to you and help you,
as you will listen to me and help me.

You are and have been a great friend,
even though our friendship has not been long.
But it has been good for me and you.

Yet even though our friendship is short of time
here on earth, you will continue to live
in my heart, so our friendship will go on.

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What Should I Keep?

I have traveled long, and I am weary.
I come to a bridge that I must cross,
but the bridge guard bids me to halt.
"If you want to cross the bridge,
you must give up everything,
but one thing", the guard says.

"But what if I want to keep more", I ask.
Only one thing is the reply.
I feel sad that I will have to give up
the possessions that I treasure.

Maybe I will not make a decision,
but instead just outwait the guard.
Then I reflect on the bones that I saw
of those who just sit and sit,
awaiting the external guard to leave.

I sigh and reflect on What should I keep?
Hmmm...my computer, which is used a lot.
Or maybe my cell phone, which I am glad to have.
How about my favorite book that I love to reread,
or maybe my favorite pink that I won.

Hmm...what about a gun with a bullet or maybe a rope.

However, I reflect some more and realize
that those are mere possessions.

That maybe who and not what is important.
So I reflect on my family, my parents and sibs.
Then I reflect on my long separated spouse,
who I still love from afar.

Who should I choose and why?

Would it be fair to pick only one person

and leave the others behind.

As I ponder who or maybe what, I look around.

Some just sitting there with forlorn looks.

I see some who cross sadly;

an occasional person crosses contently.

"Why are they so content?"

The thought circles around in my head.

I get up and walk around and sit back down.

All the while reflecting on "What should I keep?"

At long last, a decision comes that makes me smile.

I tell the guard, who smiles at my decision.

I cross the bridge happily with my one possession.

A possession that I can never lose,

unless I lose it. Even then, I can still get it back.

It will never die nor run away for it is mine.

From this springs all that I had and will have again.

I feel so happy for I kept hope.

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Towards the Light

Out, out of the tunnel
and in the light.

It feels strange
not being in the dark.

The darkness was my security;
its hopelessness was my friend.

But as friends go,
it was fickle.

It wanted what it wanted,
and gave nothing back really.

Like an energy-vampire, it drained me,
and then complained there was nothing left.

However, no matter how dark it was
I believed there was light ahead.

So onward my legs went.
Sometimes slow; sometimes fast.

They went forward in the direction
of the light to the end of the darkness.

My fickle friend was scared,
and its fear scared me.

Yet neither its fear
nor my fear stopped me.

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Reality?

Things are not the same,
yet they are.

Sometimes dizziness is sanity -
spin around and around.

Pull inward.
Pull outward.

Focus on reality,
but what is reality.

Reality as it was
is not reality as it is.

To be happy in reality,
hope must exist inside of it.

Hope springs eternal,
so how deep is its well?

Sameness, diziness, in and out,
Focus reality, and hope.

They exist at the same time -
inside, competing, fighting, and directionless.

Direction, which way?
Just go, it does not matter.

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Risk

Alone, yet not.
People around me, yet no one to talk to.
Isolated in a box that no one can see
nor I know how to open.

Silent screams echo in my head,
reverberating constantly.
No one hears them; not even I.

Starting anew this is to expected.
The old life was safe and secure,
but it was a dead end.

Risk taking is hard and not always rewarding;
however, without risk, life is boring and dull.
Riskless life becomes an ever darkening black.

Because of a change, new doors open,
and old ones close.
At times, the old ones may be wished upon;
nevertheless, they are better off closed.

A whiteness appears as new doors open
and excitement and joy live again.
Wonderment over what will come,
and what will be.

For new doors are best opened slowly
and the newness appreciated,
so the past can be remembered
while risks are taken.

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Why?

You always follow me.

Why?

You haunt my dreams.

Why?

You scare me.

Why? Why? Why?

Do you do them to me?

Why do I want you
and embrace you?

Why do I want to have you
envelope me?

Why will I do anything for you
for your deadly loving embrace?

It is because I love you.

Why?

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Good Friend

Went out of town today.

Took 2 hours by train.

Had dinner and a movie.

Was nice and relaxing.

Then two hours back.

So happy to go out of town,

and spend time with friend

who lives 200 meters from me.

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Right for you

Life for you has now become a mixture of moving on and grieving.

Every day will be different:

on how much you need to move on,

and on how much you need to grieve.

On some days the former will be more important,

and on other days the latter will be more important.

Just grieve and move on in amounts – big and small

that are right for you - for you and your kids.

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Respect

I get it from my friends who I dearly love.

I get it from colleagues who I work with.

I get it from the small store owners where I shop.

I get it from the staff where I work.

I get it from strangers who I help.

I get it from the lower level management where I work

I get it from strangers who help me.

So why cannot I get from the higher management where I work?

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On Top of the Flue (Revised)

Clover and I climbed the flue
because i was feeling blue.

When Clover and I got to the top,
I yelled yoohoo.

Then I heard the cop
who was next to my pop

tell me not to jump,
so I sat on my rump.

When Elsie bellowed moo.
and i wondered oooooo;

how to get this bovine
off this chimney of mine.

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Life and Doors

You can't long for the past, for what could have been.

Those doors are closed. Never to be open again.

Nor yearn for a future whose doors will never open.

Nor live only in the present whose doors are open.


To live in the present without reflecting upon the past

means that one will repeat one's mistakes.

If one does not learn from the path through the doors,

then happiness will never be behind the next door.


To live in the present without contemplating upon the future

means that one will be go through doors aimlessly.

If one is aimless, then one has no path to follow,

then happiness will never be behind the next door.


If one lives in the present, but reflects upon one's past

and learns from them, and one contemplates one's future,

and sets goals to work toward so the future is not blank,

then behind the doors some day, happiness will be there.

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Life

Life goes on for better and for worse.

Live goes on through happiness and sorrow.

Life goes on through hills and valleys.

Life goes on forward out of the past

Life goes on to remember the past joys.

Life goes on to make new smiles.

Life goes on and so should you.

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Cheer for a Journalism Student

go leanna go;

she's our writer;

a real deadline nailbiter;

she gets it done;

then goes out to have fun;

go leanna go.

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No Poem

End of the month and no poem
because I chose to roam.

Away from all
I had a ball.

Now back to the grind
I hope I can keep sane my mind.

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Answers

I want answers; I want answers; I want answers

to questions that will never be asked,

nor would I know the truth, if answers came.

For if answers came, would they be the truth,

or just words spoken to calm my mind.

Would words just spoken calm my mind;

or would they just make me wonder,

if what I was hearing was the truth?

I want answers; I want answers; I want answers,

or do I?

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