Questions

How could this could have happened/

What is there to do?

What is the question?

What is the path?

Is this the way to go?

Is that way to go?

Or go some other way?

What is the answer?

Is there only one answer?

Which path is wrong?

Is any path really incorrect?

Which one: incorrect or wrong is right?

Or are both right?

What if there are multiple questions?

What if there are multiple answers?

Does it matter?

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My Past

I look back too much.

Too often the past becomes my reality.

A reality that I want to either ignore or fight.

In either case, it follows me.

How to let it go?

My past is comfort and letting it go is hard.

Comfort even though it is unhealthy for me.

But like a cold-hearted "friend", it is needles me.

It treats me as a pariah, and revels in my loneliness.

But no more!

I will learn how to move on.

How to put my past in the past.

Then find the present and enjoy it.






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Standing Up for Me

What do you mean by 'I'm lucky that you like it?'

What would have done to me if you did not like it?

What will you do to me some time in the future to me, if you do not like it?

It was a joke, an effing joke you say?

Do not dismiss my feelings, if you do not like them.

I am angry, and it is my right to voice my anger.

I cannot force you to listen to me, but I hope you do

Now you have to stand up and intimidate me?

I can stand up too and not let myself be intimidated by your show of dominance.

Yes, you are stronger than me and can overpower me, but I will not be intimated by you

What are you going to do?

I can see you are angry, deciding what to do.

You have three choices:

1) You can just walk out of here and not come back.

2) You can do what you want to me, and I can add my name to the Me Too hashtag.

3) We can talk and listen to each other and work things out.


What do you want to do?







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Pain and Love

I want to help you so much to ease your pain.

The constant pain that you are always in.

That you acquired while doing what you felt was right

and I agree with you about that.

Friends gone in an instant,

and you left with a perpetual reminder

of who you lost.

Nevertheless, I love you and always will.

Here with you, I will be.

Helping you until the end of time.

Easing your pain, but never being able to make it gone.

And despite your never ending pain, I will always love you.






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Fear and Doubt

Fear creates doubt

Doubt creates fear.

A cycle that goes around and around

Like a hamster wheel that never ends.

Run, run, run

So tiring, but gonna keep running.

Gotta keep the fear and doubt away.

They never disappear.

Sometimes they catch up.

Overwhelmed then confused

Finally totally black.

Continue running.

Slowly clearing, but still running.

Fear and doubt still in pursuit.

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Buried, Bubbling, and Boiling

Buried inside me, it bubbles and boils within.

What it is, I am not sure.

Do I want to know?

Part of me does; Part of me does not.

Pain, I push it down.

Wanting to ignore it, but cannot always.

So deal with what I have to.

Then rebury the rest.

This pattern repeats again and again.

Finally, I dig some up; the pain lessens.

It still bubbles and boils within me,

but with less intensity now.

Yet no matter, how much I dig it up,

it still is hot.

Some day, maybe it will congeal in the cold,

but when that day comes, I do not know.

Until then it bubbles and boils, and life goes on

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Zombie Update

The zombie has moved on

I missed who the zombie was before their decline

The hugs, the advice, the caring, the love,

which was freely shared and appreciated.

I watched the zombie get weaker and weaker.

The years passed and I mourned for them.

Over and over mourned for them, but now,

I mourn for a final time:

remembering the good times, the laughter,

the wisdom imparted, and the love,

So hard to let the tears flow,

but that is what they would have wanted -

cry and move on with love in my heart

for the zombie who died long ago,

but lived on until last Thursday.

Rest In Peace.

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Hug Forever

I want to hug you forever.

Letting time slip away as we embrace.

Seconds becoming minutes, becoming hours,

becoming days, becoming weeks, becoming months,

becoming years, becoming decades, becoming centuries, 

becoming millennia, becoming eons, becoming forever.

Your hugs give me reassurance and warmth

They make me feel loved, feel someone cares for me.

I feel strengthened as the frozen cold melts from my heart.

Your love gives me hope and faith that things will be better.

The chill fades as the sun gets brighter as we hug forever.

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I love you if

I love you, if you do what I say

I love you, if you do what I want

I love you, if you obey me

I love you, if you follow my orders

I love you, if you eat this

I love you, if you drink that

I love you, if you follow me

I love you, if you ....






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Wishing

Wishing upon a star

for dreams that are still far.

For life is more slogging

than it is jogging.

Taking one step at a time

ignoring the grime.

Advancing at all cost

even when lost.

But mattering not how bad things are

even when stuck in a jar

Happiness is existing even when blue

for I am with you.





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First Date with the Hunk

I do not have much, but the hunk has asked me out.

Finally, the doorbell rings

I anxiously answer the door. :)

'Hello Rex.'  I smile and almost squeal with delight.

'Hello there,' he replies with a smile and asks if I am ready.

'I am' and then we are off.

'We're we going?' I ask.

'Just see some nature.'

I smile and just relax and watch the town become woods on either side.

We go about 10 miles from town and park in a wooded area

Staying in the car, I roll down my window and listen to the crickets and other sounds.

I look out the passenger window and look into the woods.

This is nice I tell him.

He moves closer to me and start to wrap his arms around me.

Feels good until his hands stop on my breasts.

'No' I tell him, so he drops his hands lower.

'NO, NO, NO,' I tell him and turn to face him

'Why not? Everyone else is doing it!' is the reply

'Then find everyone else and do her,' is my angrily reply.

'Put out or get out' is the reply.

I get out and start walking to home.

'What are you doing?' is an astonished reply.

'I do not have much, but I got myself respect, and I am not giving it away to you.'

I say to myself as much as to him.

With each step, the town gets closer.

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Trust?

Trust, I want to trust you so much.

To be held in your strong arms,

and made to feel safe and secure.

Yet, I feel wary of trusting you,

of trusting anyone, of trusting myself.

How can I trust myself, trust anyone, trust you?

Maybe I will make a mistake again.

Will you be a mistake?

Maybe you will hurt me?

Maybe, my love, you will hurt me?

Should I take down my walls?

Be vulnerable for you to love?

or to exploit?

I want one, but am afraid of the other.

Which one do I want, and which one am I afraid of?

you ask me.

I do not know is the reply.






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