Moving On

It's not so easy to move on.

Sometimes I want to not face myself.

Then, at times, I want to go back.

Go back to undo the past.

At other times, the future is the key.

Either way, past or present, I am running -

running from me, away from me -

running away from reality.

Then slowly, surely, I face myself -

not alone this time.

I appreciate my friends -

who get me to live again -

live in the present -

where reality is.

Moving on is not easy -

but with my friends help -

self-acceptance is moving on within me.

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Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

For being my friend. :)

You have helped me so much to be myself

and not what I thought I was.

I care for you so much

hugs, hugs, hugs.

My life is so much better

because of you my friend.

You have made me happier and wiser.

I am flying so high now,

I can see you in the distance.

Wishing we can one day

spend some time alone

maybe just talking and hugging,

maybe more.

But whatever happens or not,

I still would whisper in your ear:

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

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Shapeless Fear

I wonder while living with my fear.

Fear which is not known.

Fear which has no shape or form.

Nothing tangible.

Tangible is good - even if it is bad.

Then I could move on.

Move on to whatever awaits.

I can do no more.

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What is it?

All better after a couple of weeks.

Then three weeks later, it is back.

Or is it?

Is it something else?

Is it what I fear?

Is it nothing to fear?

Or is it everything I fear?

What I don't know is the biggest fear.

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Forward

In limbo, waiting for things to happen;

but they don't, so I wait and wait.

Then I take action to move them forward.

As I take action, I feel overwhelmed, scared.

However, I do take it.

I will not let myself be held hostage by my fears.

It's so easy and natural to be let myself hold myself hostage.

This once I will not fall into that trap.

That trap of spiraling into my head deeper and deeper.

Losing connection to what is possible and even to reality itself.

Instead I have learned to have faith in myself,

and to move forward one step at a time.

It matters not how fast or how slow I move forward.

It only matters that I move forward.

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Giving Up is Not So Easy

by Ashish

There was a Jack ,
Discriminated like a black ,
He knew no what he lacked ,
But he did'nt try to fight back.

But later he knew ,
Something brand new ,
That the morning dew ,
Was meant for only a few..

He Discovered at last ,
That he was losing his grip fast ,
the sea of problems was vast ,
And he felt like an outcast.

Things were the same ,
He did not feel sane ,
knew that he was going insane ,
but he did not feel the pain.

He felt so numb ,
He thought he was dumb ,
he couldnt speak nor say ,
and Suicide was the only way.

He had nothing to lose , Nothing to gain,
For everyone else it was a mere game ,
He knew for sure that the things were the same ,
And also he was insane .

He never wished mediocrity ,
Always had wanted aristocracy ,
He opened his eyes to see ,
Only to find that he was amidst the sea.

His dreams were big , ambitions passionate ,
He knew that this was his fate ,
It was not or it would be too late ,
He dived in the sea , Wishing to be at the heaven gate ,
But darn his fortune ...He landed on a floating crate...

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Having Fun, Then ....

I thought about you the other day, my online friend.

Wondered why I hadn't heard seen you in a while,

and hoped all was ok with you.

I was with friends having fun, enjoying the chat going on.

Then in a nearby conversation, I heard your name.

I was having fun, then heard you had died of a stroke, maybe.

You were young, under 30.

I had no idea what you looked like, and didn't really care.

It was nice just to chat with you, to share stories, lives, and ideas.

After getting home, I facebooked you, so now I know what you look like,

who your friends are, who cared about you besides me.

But what you looked like don't matter.

For what I miss is your heart.

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Forgot

I taught two classes,

but I forgot my glasses.

I could not see

if I had students,

or it was just me.

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Phobia

I want to move forward,

so plans I make.

The first step of my plan awaits.

My phobia comes around,

filling me with fear and dread.

I stop, I go nowhere.

Friends listen to me,

and support me.

Step one is accomplished.

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Making Plans

Been drifting for so long,

Wondering where I am going

and what I am doing.

At last some clarity comes,

which gives me hope.

I focus on what I want to do

Wondering if it is right.

But what I will do is this:

I will follow my heart.

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A Privilege

It was a privilege to know you.

It was a privilege to grow beside you.

It was a privilege to look up to you.

However, now you are gone.

Gone too early before I have finished growing.

You shared your knowledge of life with me.

I looked up to you for guidance, and you were always there.

Now I feel alone, adrift without you.

But I give not up on life.

I go on with life with you only in my heart instead of also beside me.

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I Still Remember You

I Still Remember You

Even after all these years,

I still remember you.

You were my friend

when I had hardly any.

I wonder about your life

what would you have become.

But you never had the chance.

I still miss you at times.

I have dreamed of seeing your mom

and telling her, I still remember you.

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I Wine

I prefer wine with friends.

Red, white, or rose is fine.

Only a glass or two are all I can have.

For if I have more, an h is added to my wine.

And then it is just me.

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Thank you

Yes, I do care about you.

I always will.

However, separate lives we must lead.

And that will be ok.

You have taught me a lot.

And I thank you for it.

My life will be better off for having been with you.

But separate ways we must go.

With memories of you in my heart,

I go off to my future, and for you,

I wish you the best with whatever you do.

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The Fork

We have come to a fork.

We have been there for a long time.

We talk about our options.

Which path to choose: the left or the right?

We reflect.

We talk some more.

We decide.

You go on the path to the right.

I go on the path to the left.

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Whose Fault?

It was you fault.

No, it wasn't.

So it was my fault?

No, it wasn't.

So whose fault was it?

No one's fault.

Things happen.

No one to blame.

No one to punish.

Just move on.

It's no one fault.

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Blank Mind

My mind is blank.

Thoughts move like a one tread tank.

Thinking of what to do,

yet I have no clue.

Formulate words I try

but only get a sigh.

My mind just wants to roam

as I write this poem

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You

We will always be apart,

but you will live on in my heart.

I'm glad you came into my life,

and soothed some of my internal strife.

Now, I feel blue;

however, I will never forget you.

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Even Though

Even though I love you,

I had to say good-bye to you.

Even though I love you,

I had to tell you.

Even though I love you,

I told you because

I didn't want to live a lie,

nor be unfaithful to you.

Even though I love you,

and told you, I would still give up

my life for you.

Even though I love you,

and will not be with you,

you will always be in my heart.

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Planting Love

Plant a seed,

check the depth, the dirt, the moisture, and the sun.

Give it loving attention, and water it.

Water it enough, but not too much.

Pay attention to how it is doing.

Nuture it carefully,

and one day, it will bloom.

Love is the seed's name.

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I Wanted....

I wanted to be with you.

I wanted to be with you,

but you said no.

Stay where you are, you told me.

So I stayed, apart from you.

And now I feel this question,

burning inside me:

Why should I stay with you?

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Moving On

Moving on.

Life goes on through the good and the bad.

Ruts come up and I go no where,

but one day, I move on.

I wonder how I get ahead sometimes.

I have come so far from such a hard place.

Life is better now, not perfect, nor will it ever be,

but it is better.

Smiles and jokes abound, and so does love.

All because I have moved on,

and continue moving on.

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Your Hugs

Thank you for your friendship.

Unexpectedly ran into you.

We talked about general things.

We talked of the sadness affecting our lives.

It through us both off.

I was unsure of what to do.

I was feeling so disconnected.

Then I talked to you.

I felt better.

But your hugs really made me feel I was ok.

They made me feel not alone.

They made me feel I would survive.

They made me feel I wanted to go on.

They brought a smile to my face.

Thank you for your friendship.

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Life is So Precious

Life is so precious,

but how often do we take it for granted.

Life is so precious,

but how often do we go blithely along merrily.

Life is so precious,

but how often do we block out the bad.

Life is so precious,

but how often do we take our blinders off.

Life is so precious,

but how often do we hit reality.

Life is so precious,

but how often do we really face reality.

Life is so precious,

so live each day as it is your last.

Life is so precious,

so tell those you love that you love them.

Life is so precious,

so stop and appreciate what you have.

Life is so precious,

so learn to accept and not regret.

Life is precious,

so be thankful for good friends.



Life is so precious,

so reach out for them in times of need.

Life is so precious,

so hold them in times of their needs.

Life is so precious,

so through the good and bad be thankful to be alive.

Life is so precious,

so treat life as precious as a newborn baby.

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I'm So Sorry

Dreams and hopes for the future

are suddenly dashed.

You had him and raised him right.

You did all the right things,

but something happened.

And you are left with questions,

but no real answers.

Tears down my face;

I cry for him; I cry for you.

Nothing I can do will erase your pain,

though I wish I could.

I wish I could turn back time.

I know you would trade places with him,

if you could and so would I.

I’m sorry seems, so hollow,

but it is the best I can do.

So I will end with those words

as tears stream down my face.

I’m sorry. I ‘m so sorry.

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No More

The season of joy is arriving.
You will see him,
spend time with him,
laugh with him,
smile with him
and create memories with him.

Then suddenly you won't.
He is gone
from your presence.
No more will you see him,
nor spend time with him,
nor laugh with him,
nor smile with him,
nor create memories with him.

Others tell you he is in a better place
but that does not lessen your pain
for no more will you see him
nor touch him, nor hug him,
nor feel his warmth, and nor his caring,
nor comfort nor be comforted by him.

You are only left with a question:
Why? Why you my son?
For which there is no answer.
Only knowing you will see him,
touch him, hug him,
feel his warmth and caring,
and feel his comfort and be comforted by him
no more.

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It

Scary, Marvelous,

Frightful, Delightful.

Which way am I going?

I want to control it,

but never can I.

And it controls me not.

It just flows;

Why can’t I?

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Life’s Path

I want to walk life’s path with you
through the roses and the thorns
because I love you.

Walking life’s path with you
at my side will be so much
more colorful and scented.

The roses will smell sweeter
with you at my side;
The thorns will hurt much less
with you at my side.

I want to make this journey,
only if you are willing to walk
with me at my side.

Are you?

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It

Scary, Marvelous,

Frightful, Delightful.

Which way am I going?

I want to control it,

but never can I.

And it controls me not.

It just flows;

Why can’t I?

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Five Little Piggies

Five little piggies went to market.

The first little piggy bought some marijuana.

The second little piggy bought some downers.

The third little piggy bought some uppers.

The fourth little piggy bought some heroin.

The fifth little piggy was a narc.

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Hope

Separation.

The phone rings.

Your voice.

I hear your voice.

After so long,

I am sure that you love me.

Tortured by self-doubt.

Wondering if love existed between us.

And wondered if we should go our separate ways.

Now hope exist that we can make it together.

Hope that lives inside me instead of torturous self-doubt.

Hope of us and not just me.

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Denial

“Girlfriend, can we talk?.”

“Sure. About what?”

“I think you're in denial.”

“I don't think so.”

“Have you taken a test yet?”

“Ummmm.... No, not yet.”

“Why not?”

“Just too much going on.”

“Well, when can you take the test?”

“I don't know. Just too much going on now.”

“Are you free now for a bit?”

“Yeah for now I am.”

“Then take the test now.”

“I don't feel like it. Maybe later”

“Do you think you are?”

“Maybe, I'm not sure.”

“How many symptoms you have on this list?”

“Almost all of them.”

“Almost all of them, and you think you might be?”

“So how are you doing, girlfriend?”

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The Accuser of my Tattered Soul

From me, you ripped my soul.

My soul is in tatters because of your desires

Desires of yours, selfish ones, took my sense of self away.

Away, I drift in the wind with my pain.

Pain that I do not want to face.

Face is something I do, but deny.

Deny, I am in pain and hurt.

Hurt is what I feel.

Feel with no feeling what I do.

Do what to do?

Do I want to go on?

On to face my pain and anger.

Anger that I bury.

Bury my anger at you is what I do, but why?

Why do I bury my anger at you who wronged me?

Me the victim has become the accuser of me.

Me, the accuser is myself.

Myself did wrong, and I cry for my mistakes.

Mistakes that never happened.

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Tick Tock, Tick Tock

I love you.

You are so nice to me.

You treat me so well.

I can't wait till we meet again.

Tick tock, tick tock.

I love you.

Where are you?

I miss you.

I need you.

Tick tock, tick tock.

Do you love me?

Please talk to me.

I want to hear your voice.

I want to be reassured.

Tick tock, tick tock.

In my head, I feel your love.

It makes me feel good.

In my heart, I feel nothing.

Do I still love you?

Tick tock, tick tock.

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The Ten Needs of Love

01) To flourish, love needs togetherness.

02) To flourish, love needs patience.

03) To flourish, love needs forgiveness.

04) To flourish, love needs understanding.

05) To flourish, love needs listening.

06) To flourish, love needs smiles.

07) To flourish, love needs laughter.

08) To flourish, love needs kindness.

09) To flourish, love needs acceptance.

10) To flourish, love needs compromise.

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Clickity Clack, Clickity Clack.

I send you words.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

You send me words back.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We exchange names, ages, and more.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

Over time our feelings develop.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

Our love grows.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We talk of hugging, kissing, and more.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We desire to see each other.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We so love each other.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We want to hold each other.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We want to feel each other skin-to-skin.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We want nothing in-between us ever.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We love one another.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

There is nothing to fear.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We only want skin-to-skin.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We want to share our love.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We talk of marriage and kids.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We talk of growing old together.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We say bye for now.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We sign off.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

And we wonder about each other.

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

We wonder: 'What are you really like?'

Clickity clack, clickity clack.

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I am a Person

I am a person who has feelings.

I am more than a body to be used for your amusement.

Why can't you see me for who I am,

and not who you want me to be?


I am a person who has desires

I am not a soulless robot.

Why can't you make me feel desire for you,

and not just feel you in me?


I am a person who wants to be respected -

not treated like something to be thrown away.

Why can't you respect me

and my decision to say no?


I am a person who wants to be loved -

to be loved and cared for.

All I ask of you is this:

Why don't you treat me like a person?

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Sharing

You pause while talking

to catch your breath

and to steady your emotions.


Talking unreleases pain

and threatens to overwhelm you;

you are not sure what to do.


Between us, pain fills the silence;

logically, I understand you,

yet emotionally, not really.


Silence is our friend

that connects us now;

without it, we would be strangers.


Yet friendship comes not easily

to either you or me,

so we enjoy what we have.


Easily we talk to one another

and share our lives, our pain,

finding joy where none existed before.

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Worries

You who I love.

Why don't you talk to me?

I so miss your voice

and your sexy smile.

I worry you don't love me;

that you have dumped me.

I can't sleep;

I can't eat.

I feel so blue,

and why are you not here?

Then I see you

and your sexy smile.

At last, I hear your voice

and you explain your absence.

I believe you

and feel reassured that you still love me.

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Loving You

I didn't plan on loving you,

but I did fall in love with you.

I just started talking to you.

It was nice.

I enjoyed our chats

and your listening to me.

Your gentleness was a nice change

and you treated me so nice.

Over time that became love,

A love I had never experienced before.

It was thrilling and exciting;

it was beautiful.

Then it went beyond the emotional

and became physical.

I never knew that the physical

could feel so nice.

Our love continued,

and remained beautiful.

But one day, that fateful day,

you cut me out of your life.

I love you so much,

I gave you my body.

Now, you just ignore me,

and I am without you.

But I wonder alone,

if I am carrying a part of you.

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Differing Views

“What?! You can't be serious.”

“I am serious.”

“You'll get in trouble”

“No, I won't.”

“Yes, you will.”

“I won't get in trouble.”

“But you and your bf have unprotected sex.”

“That what we choose to do.”

“But you're going to get in trouble.”

“No, I love him.”

“But you're not being smart.”

“I'm doing the right thing.”

“You need to listen to me.”

“I appreciate your friendship.”

“I wish I could change your mind.”

“You can't.”

“I'm scared for you.”

“I'm happy for me.”

“I love you, girlfriend.”

“I love you too, girlfriend.”

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Trudging Forward

Trudging through the dark

which surrounds me.

I see nothing but black

as I continue to move forward.

I feel hopeless at times

and wonder if I should give up.

But that is not me,

so I trudge forward.

Looking for a sign

any sign of hope.

However, not appears

as I move forward.

Despair is my friend;

it calls on me to give up.

I trudge on

listening to its siren song.

No wax to plug my ears,

my mind numbs.

I trudge forward,

listening to despair call my name.

I ignore my friend,

and I smile at last.

Within my sight is a dawn;

I trudge forward to it and smile.

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Fading

I feel my love for you fading.

I don’t want it to go away.

But it is.

I wonder if we are truly compatible.

I see our differences much more than our similarities.

I am so focused on me.

But without you here, how can I focus on us?

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Lifes' Paths

Lifes' paths we have decided to travel together,

yet we travel it separately.

I am tired of that happening.


Now we have a chance to travel it together.

Will you travel it with me?

or will we travel it separately?


As I wait for your reply,

I see our lifes’ paths drifting apart.

And I wonder will they ever meet?

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What Choice Did I Have?

Me: Sure, if you use a condom.
(I have a choice.)

Him: Do I have to?
(He lightly caresses me with his hands.)

Me: NO, NO, NO, NO. I won't do it without one.
(I pull back.)

Him: Why not? Don't you love me?
(He reaches for my hand unsuccessfully.)

Me: NO, NO, NO. Yes, I love you, but I still want you to use one.
(The real reason why is left unsaid.)

Him: No, you don't really love me.
(He looks at me with a sad face.)

Me: I do love you.
(I don't like him feeling sad.)

Him: We have done it before without one.
(He smiles at me.)

Me: NO, NO. That was then.
(I love his smile.)

Him: Come on baby.
(He approaches me.)

Me: NO. I wish you'd use a condom.
(But I know he doesn't want to.)

Him: You love me you know.
(He wraps himself around me holding me tight against him.)

Me: I do love you.
(I hold him back to be nice.)


Him: Please baby do it for us.
(He kisses and caresses me.)

Me: Ummm....I don't know.
(I don't want to disappoint him.)

Him: Show me you love me.
(He pushes my buttons without me being aware.)

Me: Well... umm...
(I don't really want to, but ...)

Him: That's my girl.
(He undresses me and I him.)

Me: You are so good.
(I say this as he is inside of me.)

Him: I love you.
(He is happy; I'm glad one of us is.)

Me: Do you really love me?
(I can feel it is too late for me now.)

Him: I will always love you.
(He looks so relaxed and happy.)

Me: Me too.
(I sigh with sadness tinged with regret.)

Him: Is was good wasn't it?
(He doesn't want to hear no.)

Me: Yes, it was.
(Soon, inside my body, two cells will multiply and divide after becoming one.)

Him: Glad you like it.
(He smiles a big smile.)

Me: Yes, I did.
(But what choice did I have?)

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What Fork?

We are at a fork in the road;

What way shall we go;

Shall we go together?

Shall we go separately?

We need to talk,

yet we hardly do.

Forks require communication;

however, silence is what I hear.

Silence is not what I want,

so I wait to hear your voice.

Before I or we move on,

I wait for your voice.

Once I hear it

and you hear mine,

we will know what fork

is ours to take.

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Together, Yet Apart

I love you
I love you so much
Yet we are constantly apart
I want us to be together
to build on our love, our trust,
our faith, our lives
but we can hardly be together

I want us to put mortar in our lives
so we can build a life together
instead of apart with weakening mortar?

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

With him

The season of joy is arriving.
You will see him,
spend time with him,
laugh with him,
smile with him
and create memories with him.

Then suddenly you won't.
He is gone
from your presence.
No more will you see him,
nor spend time with him,
nor laugh with him,
nor smile with him,
nor create memories with him.

Others tell you he is in a better place
but that does not lessen your pain
for no more will you see him
nor touch him, nor hug him,
nor feel his warmth, and nor his caring,
nor comfort nor be comforted by him.

You are only left with a question:
Why? Why you my son?
For which there is no answer.
Only knowing you will see him,
touch him, hug him,
feel his warmth and caring,
and feel his comfort and be comforted by him
no more.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

You Can 2

You can
write it in a note, a poem, a letter.
Write one to me.

You can
give it with a hug, a smile, a gesture, a touch.
give one to me.

You can
say it with a word, a phrase.
Say one to me.

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Mac, oh Mac

Mac, oh Mac

I was sleeping when I heard the explosion.

Mac, oh Mac

I ran to your cot to be with you.

Mac, oh Mac

Don't die on me, please.

Mac, oh Mac

Remember our dreams of our life together.

Mac, oh Mac

A house on the beach.

Mac, oh Mac

A beach with no weapons to be seen.

Mac, oh Mac

A beach that is safe to lie on.

Mac, oh Mac

Remember the kids that we have planned to have and raise.

Mac, oh Mac

Remember our dreams of life together.

Mac, oh Mac

Please don't die.

Mac, oh Mac

Please breathe.

Mac, oh Mac

I will tell everyone you died in my arms.

Mac, oh Mac

I will never tell anyone that died before I could come.

Mac, oh Mac

What of our shattered dreams?

Mac, oh Mac

I will always love you.

Mac, oh Mac

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.